roxsea

I think I may have been approaching life from the completely wrong angle. This whole time I thought that finding my 'true love' was how I was going to accomplish 'the good life.' Well, the great thing about life is that it is what you make it and what the good life consists of is entirely up to you and your standards. So what am I trying to say here?

I'm saying that love is great. It is greater than me or you or any other combination of people and things in this world. However, love is also something that cannot be grasped or measured or even conceptualized consistently across language, cultures or individual people. Because it is so -abstract- why oh why am I sitting here, labling myself a failure when in fact what I should be measuring my success with is my journey. I've come a long way from where I was at this point last year. And I am sure I am going a long way from where I am at now.

I may be losing something that I thought was important. Sure. So feel it and move on. If it is indeed a loss, then I need to think of all of the change and improvement that was spurred in me by this experience. I shouldn't be criticising myself for failing, but instead congratulating myself in the success of learning that living with your love isn't the best idea. It adds a whole new level to your relationship; and not in a good way. Their financial obligations become yours to a degree = stress, stress, and more stress.

What else have I learned? Well, since I am still in this process I can't say or even know what all I have learned or will continue to learn from this. But I also know that I am a good person. In past relationships I get mean. I don't feel the same level of joy on a daily basis. In this one, I was. I was nice, I was generous, and thought of them first in everything. I loved it. I was so happy with myself. If I did it this time, I know that I will do better the next; with whoever it is I am with.

I know I am skeptical of love now. But I think this proves that it is a real thing. I can have it and I can be in it and succeed. It wasn't my shortcomings that ended this. It was something beyond me, something I can do nothing about.

I also learned that I have the strength to walk away. I can say, 'enough is enough,' and let that which I hold dearest, go.