alright. so i am really sick of being so negative. i feel like lately, about 92% of the time, i am bitching about something. whether its to someone else, or in my own head. its really a disgusting way to live. i used to be much more optimistic about things. i can remember those days. things really arent so bad.
aside from watching my grandfather die, and trying to get the car fixed and dealing with a perpetually LOADED boss who cant do anything right.....
things are pretty fucking okay.
the other night, i dressed up for garrett like i used to. i put on my torn undies, a garter, my trashies ( torn fishnets), his favorite dress, and my boots...
and let him go to town.... it felt like we were new again
we played with razor blades and play piercing needles....
took a long, hot shower....
then we did it again and again and again.
it was fucking wonderful.
but, its funny how reality comes back
the next day, we were back at our shitty jobs, doing other people's shitty work, taking care of grandpa.. changing diapers and picking up mom's cat. and failing to utilize my gym membership due to exhaustion.
but when i really look at it all. i do have a pretty good life. i have a roof over my head, that i pay for. i have food in my refrigerator, i live with the love of my life and our pet tortoise... its cool.
-oh yeah, we have a pet tortoise. as of last week. she's fucking rad. g found her at the park.
i'm working till 5 all this week. the boss went to hawaii. which gives me the privelege of working 11 hour days ( that was sarcasm for those of you who couldnt "hear" it. )
i still have to go to the market for grandma and do her dishes. then to a meeting, and still try to go on a date with my boyfriend. chances are he will change his mind later.
i am going to miss the violent femmes tonight. no time. totally bummed. anyone want a backstage pass for tonight in del mar? no? okay. sorry bout the late notice.
this was supposed to be a happy post about how im so grateful for everything.... and i have managed to depress myself. shit! so frustrating
aside from watching my grandfather die, and trying to get the car fixed and dealing with a perpetually LOADED boss who cant do anything right.....
things are pretty fucking okay.
the other night, i dressed up for garrett like i used to. i put on my torn undies, a garter, my trashies ( torn fishnets), his favorite dress, and my boots...
and let him go to town.... it felt like we were new again
we played with razor blades and play piercing needles....
took a long, hot shower....
then we did it again and again and again.
it was fucking wonderful.
but, its funny how reality comes back
the next day, we were back at our shitty jobs, doing other people's shitty work, taking care of grandpa.. changing diapers and picking up mom's cat. and failing to utilize my gym membership due to exhaustion.
but when i really look at it all. i do have a pretty good life. i have a roof over my head, that i pay for. i have food in my refrigerator, i live with the love of my life and our pet tortoise... its cool.
-oh yeah, we have a pet tortoise. as of last week. she's fucking rad. g found her at the park.
i'm working till 5 all this week. the boss went to hawaii. which gives me the privelege of working 11 hour days ( that was sarcasm for those of you who couldnt "hear" it. )
i still have to go to the market for grandma and do her dishes. then to a meeting, and still try to go on a date with my boyfriend. chances are he will change his mind later.
i am going to miss the violent femmes tonight. no time. totally bummed. anyone want a backstage pass for tonight in del mar? no? okay. sorry bout the late notice.
this was supposed to be a happy post about how im so grateful for everything.... and i have managed to depress myself. shit! so frustrating
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....and i have the same problem with my gym membership :/ dammit...
With, of course, the occassinal sarcasm and smart-assedness
Later......