Last night, my mom and i made the decision to put Oscar down.....the dog I've had since i was a little girl. the dog i grew up with. not really just a dog...i liked to think of him as an old man. mom drove my car, he sat in my lap. drove to the vet. as we got closer he started whining and barking cause he hates it there. he knew where we were going. IT WAS SO FUCKING HARD. still can't stop crying. i drove up to moms house right now, mind occupied with trying to find out where im going to stay for the next few days, and i didn't hear him. he wasn't barking, it took just a moment to remember why..... because he's not here. And i started fucking crying again. the most painful thing i've felt since i lost my first love.
i promised myself that i would never let anything make me feel that way again, and i medicated myself so much that i began to feel absolutely NOTHING.
i can't medicate anymore.
i dont want to
right now he would be lying by my feet.
once they gave him the morphine i wanted to tell them to stop, but it was too late. it hurts so bad.
so i went home. and just wanted to be alone, and write in my big notebook, and the fucking bitch walks in and starts yelling at me for some stupid shit and after about 5 minutes of her and i arguing back and fourth, she said, "well, if you dont like it you might as well leave right now"......
so i did.
i am so lucky to have a boyfriend that cares....
he let me stay the night, even though he was helping to remodel Anomaly till early morning.
i went to work at 6 30
could barely function all day.
havn't showered. head hurts from crying,
exhausted
and jeans sticking and ripping my new gashes
not allowing them to scab.
Friend Daniel offered a couch till his mother-in-law goes off to nun school or whatever, then they'd have an extra room.
thats really cool
because i know if i stay with mom or dad, they'll fight over me and try to keep me forever.
i feel sick. and dirty. and bloody.
i dont know what to do.
this is the first time in my life not having a dog,
and the first time in 10 years
that i come home and know Oscars not waiting for me. this all probably sounds really stupid.
just a dog right?
not to me.
i promised myself that i would never let anything make me feel that way again, and i medicated myself so much that i began to feel absolutely NOTHING.
i can't medicate anymore.
i dont want to
right now he would be lying by my feet.
once they gave him the morphine i wanted to tell them to stop, but it was too late. it hurts so bad.
so i went home. and just wanted to be alone, and write in my big notebook, and the fucking bitch walks in and starts yelling at me for some stupid shit and after about 5 minutes of her and i arguing back and fourth, she said, "well, if you dont like it you might as well leave right now"......
so i did.
i am so lucky to have a boyfriend that cares....
he let me stay the night, even though he was helping to remodel Anomaly till early morning.
i went to work at 6 30
could barely function all day.
havn't showered. head hurts from crying,
exhausted
and jeans sticking and ripping my new gashes
not allowing them to scab.
Friend Daniel offered a couch till his mother-in-law goes off to nun school or whatever, then they'd have an extra room.
thats really cool
because i know if i stay with mom or dad, they'll fight over me and try to keep me forever.
i feel sick. and dirty. and bloody.
i dont know what to do.
this is the first time in my life not having a dog,
and the first time in 10 years
that i come home and know Oscars not waiting for me. this all probably sounds really stupid.
just a dog right?
not to me.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
wakesetter:
thats so terrible, i just went through that a few months ago,i feel your pain..just remeber the good stuff....
blasphemousguy:
Sorry to hear about your dog. Hang in there.