Hmmm...Do you ever have one of those days that is all normal and then very traumatic all of a sudden?
This was one of those.
Slept in...lovely, that sleeping in business. Wandered around the house naked drinking tea and watching the clouds drop rain...I painted a little. Made a lovely flower...with golden swirls and thick, black marks. Rob made me lunch and dropped/burned about everything in sight.
Why is it so adorable when someone sets the kitchen on fire?
Then I spoke with Red and became almost frantic in a matter of seconds.
She just doesn't see....doesn't see the almost untouchable, paralyzing way that she captures my attention. The way every word drips from her tongue to my ears.
Like a poison you burn for even as it makes you it's own.
So I called. And we talked.
About little things.
Small things.
Pizza, and crumpets. Perfect meals and perfect parks...perfect cities. Where you love yourself as much as you really should. Where the possibilities are only limited by how far you are willing to go. How blue you want your blue. How bloody you want your battles.
I think we live there...this place of possibilities.
And some still find a way to twist this amazing place into a torture chamber. Instead of how many ice cream sundaes they want for breakfast, they decide how much pain they crave before they are comfortable.
How much blood before they feel they have been fully punished.
All I can do is repeat myself like a broken record. Hoping that someday
some fuckin' day
they will believe me. Someday they....she.....will know that I give a shit. That they are WORTH a shit.
You have built a fortress around yourself...of cold steel, self hatred, and abuse you did not ask for nor deserve. I just keep tapping....hoping that eventually my tapping will make a dent. And then maybe a crack. It's a lot of damn tapping. I don't mind...love is not measure in these things. These taps. Such tiny taps in the grand scheme of things...
Tap tap.......
Tap tap.......
Let me in pretty girl.
Let me in.<3
XOXO
~JAx
This was one of those.
Slept in...lovely, that sleeping in business. Wandered around the house naked drinking tea and watching the clouds drop rain...I painted a little. Made a lovely flower...with golden swirls and thick, black marks. Rob made me lunch and dropped/burned about everything in sight.
Why is it so adorable when someone sets the kitchen on fire?
Then I spoke with Red and became almost frantic in a matter of seconds.
She just doesn't see....doesn't see the almost untouchable, paralyzing way that she captures my attention. The way every word drips from her tongue to my ears.
Like a poison you burn for even as it makes you it's own.
So I called. And we talked.
About little things.
Small things.
Pizza, and crumpets. Perfect meals and perfect parks...perfect cities. Where you love yourself as much as you really should. Where the possibilities are only limited by how far you are willing to go. How blue you want your blue. How bloody you want your battles.
I think we live there...this place of possibilities.
And some still find a way to twist this amazing place into a torture chamber. Instead of how many ice cream sundaes they want for breakfast, they decide how much pain they crave before they are comfortable.
How much blood before they feel they have been fully punished.
All I can do is repeat myself like a broken record. Hoping that someday
some fuckin' day
they will believe me. Someday they....she.....will know that I give a shit. That they are WORTH a shit.
You have built a fortress around yourself...of cold steel, self hatred, and abuse you did not ask for nor deserve. I just keep tapping....hoping that eventually my tapping will make a dent. And then maybe a crack. It's a lot of damn tapping. I don't mind...love is not measure in these things. These taps. Such tiny taps in the grand scheme of things...
Tap tap.......
Tap tap.......
Let me in pretty girl.
Let me in.<3
XOXO
~JAx
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