today's journal is all about doubt.
doubt is a confusing, unwieldy beast. it can keep you from what you want most and cause you to forego the things that bring you joy. usually it rears its serpentine head just as things are starting to turn around for you. it places strange questions in your head and won't let you sleep until you have at least attempted to answer. the problem is, when you do have an answer, it's not the one you desired or expected.
sometimes, when a situation is hampered by doubt, it only festers. you might just gloss over the feelings altogether. life will go on, and you'll forget all about it. then, later on down the line, after the doubt has festered and molted, you're left with the cold, grey rock of regret. this is the worst of doubt's manifestations. regret is like a shackle, cutting your skin and trying to drown you in water that is beyond your control.
there is a known cure for doubt, but it must be handled with care: confidence. there are times when a steady diet of confidence and self-assuredness can only slightly abate the glimmers of doubt. not to mention the fine line you walk between confidence and arrogance. you must temper your confidence, make it into a positive force rather than lording it over others. in addition, being confident does not guarantee freedom from doubt. it is a tricky equation.
i have fought the battle with doubt. i watched as it took over my thoughts, forcing me into positions and postures that i would never have taken otherwise. i have stood helplessly by as doubt gave way to regret. i have attempted to be confident and happy, only to witness doubt's rebirth. as i get older, i fear that doubt has ingrained itself into my very being so that i can not survive without it.
the scary thing is that i don't think it's possible to totally eradicate doubt. in many ways, it must be put up with, coddled, and treated as fairly as every other emotion. trying to do away with it would only cause a void that could cause the ego to go careening out of control. so long as you live, your doubt must be studied in depth. why do i feel these things? why does it seem that i'm not good enough? what is keeping me from happiness and confidence? that is only the tip of the iceberg. i have only just begun to understand the pain and hopelessness that doubt is responsible for. i will always fall prey to its tempting talons. i will always be waiting for it to leap from the shadows, proclaiming its hold over my every move.
so, what is it that gets your doubt gland pumping? i'm not talking about your "most humbling moment" here. i'm talking about the rotten seeds that lay deep within and rot in your psyche, causing your brushstrokes to show, your muscles to be exposed, your fiber to fray. what mountaintop do you fear you will never reach? i know that i am not alone. please, for my benefit, share your deepest and darkest with me.
doubt is a confusing, unwieldy beast. it can keep you from what you want most and cause you to forego the things that bring you joy. usually it rears its serpentine head just as things are starting to turn around for you. it places strange questions in your head and won't let you sleep until you have at least attempted to answer. the problem is, when you do have an answer, it's not the one you desired or expected.
sometimes, when a situation is hampered by doubt, it only festers. you might just gloss over the feelings altogether. life will go on, and you'll forget all about it. then, later on down the line, after the doubt has festered and molted, you're left with the cold, grey rock of regret. this is the worst of doubt's manifestations. regret is like a shackle, cutting your skin and trying to drown you in water that is beyond your control.
there is a known cure for doubt, but it must be handled with care: confidence. there are times when a steady diet of confidence and self-assuredness can only slightly abate the glimmers of doubt. not to mention the fine line you walk between confidence and arrogance. you must temper your confidence, make it into a positive force rather than lording it over others. in addition, being confident does not guarantee freedom from doubt. it is a tricky equation.
i have fought the battle with doubt. i watched as it took over my thoughts, forcing me into positions and postures that i would never have taken otherwise. i have stood helplessly by as doubt gave way to regret. i have attempted to be confident and happy, only to witness doubt's rebirth. as i get older, i fear that doubt has ingrained itself into my very being so that i can not survive without it.
the scary thing is that i don't think it's possible to totally eradicate doubt. in many ways, it must be put up with, coddled, and treated as fairly as every other emotion. trying to do away with it would only cause a void that could cause the ego to go careening out of control. so long as you live, your doubt must be studied in depth. why do i feel these things? why does it seem that i'm not good enough? what is keeping me from happiness and confidence? that is only the tip of the iceberg. i have only just begun to understand the pain and hopelessness that doubt is responsible for. i will always fall prey to its tempting talons. i will always be waiting for it to leap from the shadows, proclaiming its hold over my every move.
so, what is it that gets your doubt gland pumping? i'm not talking about your "most humbling moment" here. i'm talking about the rotten seeds that lay deep within and rot in your psyche, causing your brushstrokes to show, your muscles to be exposed, your fiber to fray. what mountaintop do you fear you will never reach? i know that i am not alone. please, for my benefit, share your deepest and darkest with me.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
velocity:
Nothing can lay waste to confidence quite like familial relations.
fieldofdepth:
I think that I, like most of the people I know, are always doubtful of their capabilities. I think that fear would more accurately name what I am referring to. Sometimes I feel as though I have created this giant illusion of my importance in the world that surrounds me. I make them believe that I am capable and confident when im reality I am filled with self doubt and insecurity. As I go about my daily life I protect the illusion by hiding my vulnerabilities and keeping people at a safe distance. My greatest fear is that everyone will someday find me out. That they will, in unison, shout out, "we know you aren't good enough!"