I've re-discovered the joy of Blogging. Many hours over the past week have been spent hungrily indulging in the tales of others, and realising just how lovely it is to write my own. Now, I have a couple of 'proper' blogs, regarding professional doings, but this one is special. This one I love, and I am ashamed of myself for ever ignoring my love of SG and letting my attention to it go on the wayside. Please accept my apologies. You see, this one is special, because I feel (even with knowing a fair few people in real life) able to be completely open. However moany, depressive, irresponsible or dirty I feel, I can share. And with that, I welcome the reading from you wonderfully open minded people.
I have to say as well that I thoroughly enjoyed writing my last blog and have since even shared it with a few friends (saves nattering on and repeating myself anyway). It was truly lovely to share all, not have to hide any information between potential for hurting feelings or starting gossip, wondering imagination and all. Now, this could be for a mulitude of reasons: I love to write, I love to share, I love sex, I'm easily distracted, I have a mind prone to wonder, I'm happy to discuss all matters of life openly, and I have become addicted to real life sex blogs such as Girl With A One Track Mind (appropriate/ironic I know). I really enjoy the reality of it. None of this 'Pablo climbed the Ivy to the window waiting openly for him' shit (seriously - how strong is this ivy?!). But the trueness of life, and sex is undeniably a very big part of that. I like the varying views, experiences, knowledge, outlook. It's as educational as it is interesting. And a bit of a turn on, but that goes without saying.
I therefore vow to keep my blog here more regularly updated. As well as the normal day to day babble, I'll be doing a special succession of sex blogs where appropriate, so keep an eye peeled, should you have any particular interest in my action/ lack there of. And I take no offence to those who may wish to read these extra special ones and ignore the more mundane aspects of my life. If I could pick and choose, I'd do the same. And so now, I'd like to bring you the second rosieBlue sex blog (in one week!). Enjoy.
[continued from the spoiler zone, for all less detailed/sexual/interesting things - just incase you opted to skip that bit]
so FB (joke of a nick name, I know) left, I was still wide awake and decided to change into something more comfortable and have a catch up online. I got talking to W (who you may be familiar with from the last blog) and in a much more personal way. Not in any sexual way - but you may recall my concerns that neither he or M were bothered about my company or actually being friends. But we spoke about real things, housing, work trouble, relationships. For hours. It was lovely, an insight to someone I can really empathise with and with whom my instinct to find some way to help kicked in. The beginnings of a new friendship were formed that night, especially when - despite it being 3am, W got a taxi to mine. Purely for company. We had a couple of drinks, swapped some favourite music and whiled away the hours talking about nothing in particular. Although - as a small interjection, I made a few small noises about not hearing from M, but through W got the other end of the story. And I found it hilarious. It would seem he has no recollection of when I last stayed over, of hitting me in the face, nothing. But I'd left him a note, simply saying 'Thankyou. Good luck for the weekend, don't die x x'. Apparently he had the biggest freak out W had ever seen over this 'what the fuck, what's this mean?! I don't understand. Thankyou?! I didn't even shag her that time! What?!'. Amazing. Truly amazing.
W and I went for a brief walk to the petrol station when it opened in search of cigarettes and discussed the moral of having wine when it's technically morning (I argued that we hadn't slept and therefore it didn't count as day time drinking). And I was able to sort a lift home for him as for my early shift that day we had to go past his end of town anyway. And I was left to battle on with the rest of the day, knowing that I'd regret the lack of sleep (not that there was a lack of, though, tiredness is a small price to pay for a nice evening). I did however have a very busy day planned, two shifts at work, lunch with a friend, my first business party, appointments, bills to pay shopping to do...I found myself sitting on the floor outside asda gripping a can of Monster for dear life by lunch time. Luckily the majority of the days jobs were out of the way by then so I happily killed a couple of hours before work with my best friend, drinking tea and talking, about sex. Of course. I haven't seen her for a few weeks so there was some catching up to do. In the end I just let her read my last blog, and she suggested that I may have stumbled across a potential new career path in erotic writing (opinions?). It was a bit odd though. We've been best friends since we were one and share everything, she knows just about all there is to know about me and we've spoken about sex before, but it was the first time we'd spoken in much length and in so much detail. And odd also as, much as she knows I'm here, SG is a little pocket of my life we haven't really explored together. Yet there we were over a hot brew, reading my blog, looking over my photos discussing which picture shows of which attributes best and swapping tales of past experiences, including trips online to hunt out pictures to compare of any particularly good/ bad catches and even going into detail of preferred penis size/shape etc.It was actually really nice, I'm glad that, even if it did come with the odd disapproving look, she continues to be a true friend, not judge and accept this side of me, and all others exactly as they are. Even finding the depths to which my mind is in the gutter.
And it continues to be. Incessantly. I have a lot going on - paper work to do, a business I'm trying to start, gigs and holidays to prepare for. But I'm finding it irritating. It's getting in the way. It's distracting me from letting myself get distracted. An inconvenience to my inner monologue and day dreams of sex. I have forever been a sex fiend, but even by my levels, it's taking over. I truly underestimated how much the lack of a regular partner would effect me. And I do miss my ex. Well, his cock. I know things will never go back to how they were, but the thought of his cock - the shape, feel, look, taste and smell of it is still enough to make me salivate. Such a loss...
And to add to frustrations, I'm (mostly) continuing to stay true to the no fiddling rule. B decided that he finally wanted to come over - the same night as FB so I had to turn it down (along with the offer of a night out with friends). And this week four - count them, FOUR very good looking guys have given me the 'if I didn't have a girlfriend' talk. Damn these other women, don't they know what they're making me miss out on?! And I let W read my last blog and gave permission for him to show M after he asked if the saucy photos worked and I told him I hadn't gone through with it, feeling it was a bit fruitless. But that I figured the last entry made it quite clear what I wanted from M. I'm sure he's shown him by now, but I still haven't heard from him. Annoying. And I'm flirting like a beast. Honestly, I don't flirt. Ever. I've been accused of doing so in the past but have simply been misjudged. But lately no one is safe. The guy in the next lane in a traffic jam, the postman, the guys that I would never sleep with, for christ's sake, right now I'd flirt with paint drying on a wall. It's insane. And my all-too-easily distracted mind isn't helped by the likes of CreamyGoodness and I having a lengthy discussion about some hand/ tongue on thigh action. I mean really, I set up a fuck buddy arrangement, I've dressed up, I've gone out, I've spoken to new people, I've invited those who have shown an interest over, I have sent some truly graphic messages. But nothing. What does a girl have to do to get a shag?!
I'm not sure why, but sex truly impacts on all other aspects of my life. It's not that it's the only thing I derive enjoyment from, quite the opposite. But I do believe that sex is an undeniably important part of life and human nature and it's powers for happiness/ connection/ many other things shouldn't be under estimated. But lately it's ruling my life to an unusually high extent. Especially things such as mood, patience, concentration and drive to do other things. For instance this morning at work the first thing my work mate said to me is 'you're in a really bad mood, aren't you' and pointed out that I'd been a bit short the day before. I told him it was just due to lack of sleep, rather than lack of sex. But clearly it's now effecting me in a noticeable way. It's stopping me from doing the things that I ought to be doing.
So I'm stuck where I was before. Moody, not sleeping well, in dire need of a massage (despite my health being better, I'm aching like you wouldn't believe), and ever-more desperate for some GOOD sex. But other things are looking up, with money etc. And today is the last day of work, so good bye to that responsibility! It's friday, here's hoping the weekend offers some enlightenment and changes.
I really need to stop being so single minded. Someone help!
EDIT: Note to self:
I
MUST
STOP
FLIRTING
now repeat until it become a vaguely realistic aim...
Expectations can easily spoil all the fun
I flirt a lot so I'm told.