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rorschach

Los Angeles (Arcadia), CA

Member Since 2004

Followers 81 Following 80

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Thursday Aug 12, 2004

Aug 12, 2004
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RORSCHACH'S JOURNAL

Top 13 Fave SG's in no particular order:
Nixon, Voltaire, Stormy, Reagan, Kimmi, Germany, Ivy, Shera, Cherry, Kate,
Flux, Scylla, Iggy
and my most important Fave SG Staff:
Clara love

Still have the "all friend requests will be accepted" policy smile If we are not here to socialize, then we should be Anonymous!

I'm still flipping out over work, finding offices for rent is a pain in the ass when you have both hands tied behind your back, but oh wells. Still hangin in there. In the meantime I have a nice seven-digit deal coming to fruition in the next two months that I have been working on for nearly a year.

In the meantime, I want to welcome all the new readers of Rorschach's Journal. *Hurm* smile A lot of new people and strangers (I call them "friends who I am not yet friends with") have been dropping by and saying hi and I wanted to give a shout out to those people. Thanks once again for dropping by.

Anyway, for fun, I've decided to tell you all something more intimate than normal. If this creeps you out, too fuckin' bad because this is who I am tongue

I've wanted a little sister for a LONG time.

When I was in junior high school my parents were nearing 40 years old. My dad always wanted a daughter (he told me enough times) and so my parents figured this may be their last chance to have another kid. I say this with great dismay, they went to a Chinese soothsayer to have their fortune told. Of course they told the soothsayer that they had a son already and they want another baby, and the soothsayer told them they would have a baby girl. Not much of a deduction there... Anyway my mom got pregnant, they told me about it and the crap the soothsayer guy said. I didn't know what to think at the time and inevitably I started to wonder what it would be to have a lil sis. My imagination wasn't too far off from JD Salinger's Phoebe Caulfield (but Chinese) since it was junior high and I had read Catcher a year or so before. I had begun to have feelings of doting on my lil sis even before she was born, not that I believed the soothsayer or anything. But the soothsayer knew his craft well, he wasn't peddling facts...he was peddling wishes (Welcome to Fantasy Island!).

When I was around four years old, my mom and I lived with my aunt (her sister). We had moved to this country when I was three and we stayed with my aunt for about two years. My aunt had just had a baby girl herself and she was almost like a little sister to me, or as much as that sort of concept a four-year-old can have). One day the baby was being taken to the doctor for her shots and I went along with my mom too for an exam. When the baby got her first shot, she began screaming and crying as most babies would. The four-year-old me started screaming at the doctor and I ran to go into the exam room to go kick his ass. It didn't matter that he was about three feet taller than me, I felt my rage would kill him by itself. My mom and aunt picked me up and tried to calm me down...obviously everything was alright but I kept swearing at and screaming at the doc for another half hour until we left hehe (by the way, my memories go all the way back to snapshots of even before I was one year old). The reason this story is so clear to me is because my aunt to this day won't let me forget it...she says this is the proof that I was born with a good heart, whatever that means. Then she tries to get me to go to church...

So now my little cousin, today she is now a practicing physician who helps heal the sick and injured, and ease their suffering. We don't talk much together but once in a while she has a tendency to press me sometimes for wisdom...it's quite strange. But what isn't strange at all is that I am more proud of her than my paltry vocabulary can say blush

Anyway back to the pregnancy...when the fetus was old enough to be examined, it turned out to simply be an amniotic sac with no fetus inside. My parents were obviously very sad and my mom had to go through a very painful abortion. I was too numb to feel and the only thing I could do is try to support my mom through a very painful abortion (physically and mentally). The sac was larger than the normal size limit where a doctor would recommend an abortion, but since this was a special case, the abortion had to be done anyway. Oft times I feel like maybe it was my fault...I was born by c-section for one thing, and for another I felt on more than one occasion pissed off at my parents for not making me feel like I was "enough" for them that they would want another child. In the end, years later, my mom had to get a hysterectomy because her uterus had malignant tumors...that was probably why the baby didn't make it. I know it's not my fault for real...

Once in a while I wish I had a big sister too, but that's another story for another time...I'm all grown up now at 30 and I am too old for make-believe sisters. smile

Apologies again if this goes too deep...all apologies wink


Ror's Rants:
I hate it when...
...everytime SG offers something sweet, something bitter has to come along with it.
...when people assume I am guilty by association.
...my best pal on SG Lisette is gone for more than 1 day. Glad you're back kiss


SG Pic for the day:
Ivy again. Do YOU sleep with your eyes open?


Ror's Picks for 8/12/2004:
MUSIC: Goodbye by The Sundays
MOVIE: Ghost World (I just bought the DVD, now I must watch it)
80's MUSIC: Summertime Summertime by Nocera

Ror's Past Picks: -
Here!

Ror's Favorite Public Groups!
Manga USA group
BT Music - Brian Transeau
Emulation Nation
Comics
VIEW 25 of 66 COMMENTS
girly:
Thanks! My dog looks so thrilled in that pic, doesn't he?
Aug 17, 2004
laputa64:
HAHAHA I will DEFINENTLY let you know!!! love
Aug 17, 2004

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