Have any of you ever had your own subconscious play tricks on you in your dreams? Mine does from time to time. Often times I believe "I" am trying to tell something to myself or maybe even trying to provoke my conscious mind in to some sort of action. It's like where you dreamed a really convincing dream or nightmare and when you woke up, your perception of reality gets fucked with. I'm sure all of you have had times when you were kids and you dreamed that your parents were really aliens and were up to no good with you? Or someone close to you commits some heinous but imaginary fault in your dreams and when you see that person the next day, anger or hurt wells up inside of you even though that person did nothing wrong?
Those things can still mess with me from time to time but they're no big deal. But recently, after reading Nixon's journal, I think that brain mechanism that generates cruel dreams was triggered... (On a side note, I read Nixon's journal because she occupies a special place in my heart with regards to the SG site. It was a random image of I saw during some random interwebz search that made me decide on signing up for SG over five years ago. I've never talked to her on SG though because she in my mind is like some sort of dark goddess here on SG and I'm way too shy. ) In the **journal**, she mentions a dream she has and asks about ours, and I thought to myself that I haven't had a memorable dream in a long time. Then the very next night... So I decided to write that dream down and post it on her journal but she's already like three journals ahead now because I'm too slow so I'm posting it here instead.
The last few nights, I've had several self-inflicted cruel dreams...ones that make you hurt deep inside upon waking and the pain and longing lasts for days. I'll mention the first one here as some of the others just have too much nonsense that only would mean something to me.
It's Thanksgiving or Christmas, some holiday the family gets together for. I dread these get-togethers as there is absolutely no one in my family that gets me. (It reminds me of a song lyric "I feel so alone in a room full of people.") My littlest cousin is there; she's always been the really cute one in our family. We've always had some sort of weird physical attraction and just last month or so she asked to take me out to lunch and admitted as much that we've always had some sort of strong "chemistry." I'm using her own word for it. We could never be together though. And she's there along with her sister and all of our parents and some grand parents. But for some reason, I can't really see her much in the dream. Inside I'm lamenting a bit as I'm terribly alone right now and at the age of 36, I feel like the clock is really ticking...it's my own fault for being a social recluse for so long. Instead, I see this brother and sister, friends of my aunt's side, who often come over for holidays because they don't really have any other family themselves. And then I realize that I'm 18 or so again as they are both just kids too...it's like a home movie of that period in time when they might have spent a holiday evening with us.
For some reason I've always thought the younger sister was kind of cute but nothing to die for...the fact that I see her more than my little cousin is odd. And she's sick for some reason so she's laying down asleep, between my family and theirs. Oh, I forgot to mention, we're eating dinner sitting on the ground around a long coffee table...a bit strange for a family get together dinner. I've had my fill of food and I lay down too...food comatose. She and I are sort of laying next to each other a bit and I'm trying to lie as still as possible as not to disturb her. As I lay down, she shifts and turns slightly toward me, as if sensing that I've laid down by her side. I close my eyes and try to nap. And then suddenly she turns over a lot, as if in a deep sleep, and winds up rolling over on to me. ...her face is on my shoulder, nose pointed at my cheek and her arm comes all the away across my chest and her hand rests on the other side of my face. For a moment, I'm trying to guess if she's really asleep or not as it would be difficult for me to flip over that much, land on someone, and not get woken up. But before I can weigh all the possibilities, I feel her shifting on me as her face inches to my cheeks and the tip of her nose and lips touch one of my cheeks as her palm touches my other cheek. And then her hand closes gently on face, her soft fingertips caress my skin...
...and then I wake up. All alone and extremely self-aware of just how alone I am. Even that small piece of accidental affection leaves me reeling. It's strange because as little time as a maybe 14 months ago, I was perfectly content to just live my life alone on my own terms.
Oh well, now for some fun stuff. I'm on vacation right now technically and my entire right lower side is very sore. Yesterday NakedEye and I were doing a photoshoot of Aaliyah Love. He was the photographer, I was the assistant and she was model. After we finally got set up, we finally got to shoot her. She was a total, total sweetheart with a level-head on her. Very professional. Jay (NakedEye) and I both were very impressed not only with her super-cuteness but also by just how warm she was. Later at dinner, I joked with him that we better get ready for the end of the world tomorrow because we just met an intelligent, sweet, responsible and professional porn star! Anyways, not only did we wind up shooting several sets, I also managed to shoot almost an hour of amazing video. Not only was I very comfortable shooting, both she and jay had excellent chemistry and there just simply were a lot of fun moments that I managed to cap on video. The shoot took place at our friends' house, Brian, who is an amazing prop maker for some of the most famous TV shows on the air right now along with a long list of many other movies and TV shows. We wound up capping the shoot by having Aaliyah pose in and on Brian's Delorean...this incredible machine that he's poured a lot of time and expertise in restoring. Hopefully I'll be able to get some pics from the shoot and possibly even some of the video I shot. We'll see...once they sort out who gets which pics.
After how well that shoot went, I'm guessing Jay will be shooting her again soon and I'll probably see her. By the way, Jay, NakedEye is an elite photographer, one of the very best in the world in the world of adult modeling. You can check out some of his best here on his SG blog NakedEye. He's been published somewhere in the hundreds and possibly thousands of times in various publications, he's here out in LA and he's a really cool and interesting guy to boot.
- R
Those things can still mess with me from time to time but they're no big deal. But recently, after reading Nixon's journal, I think that brain mechanism that generates cruel dreams was triggered... (On a side note, I read Nixon's journal because she occupies a special place in my heart with regards to the SG site. It was a random image of I saw during some random interwebz search that made me decide on signing up for SG over five years ago. I've never talked to her on SG though because she in my mind is like some sort of dark goddess here on SG and I'm way too shy. ) In the **journal**, she mentions a dream she has and asks about ours, and I thought to myself that I haven't had a memorable dream in a long time. Then the very next night... So I decided to write that dream down and post it on her journal but she's already like three journals ahead now because I'm too slow so I'm posting it here instead.
The last few nights, I've had several self-inflicted cruel dreams...ones that make you hurt deep inside upon waking and the pain and longing lasts for days. I'll mention the first one here as some of the others just have too much nonsense that only would mean something to me.
It's Thanksgiving or Christmas, some holiday the family gets together for. I dread these get-togethers as there is absolutely no one in my family that gets me. (It reminds me of a song lyric "I feel so alone in a room full of people.") My littlest cousin is there; she's always been the really cute one in our family. We've always had some sort of weird physical attraction and just last month or so she asked to take me out to lunch and admitted as much that we've always had some sort of strong "chemistry." I'm using her own word for it. We could never be together though. And she's there along with her sister and all of our parents and some grand parents. But for some reason, I can't really see her much in the dream. Inside I'm lamenting a bit as I'm terribly alone right now and at the age of 36, I feel like the clock is really ticking...it's my own fault for being a social recluse for so long. Instead, I see this brother and sister, friends of my aunt's side, who often come over for holidays because they don't really have any other family themselves. And then I realize that I'm 18 or so again as they are both just kids too...it's like a home movie of that period in time when they might have spent a holiday evening with us.
For some reason I've always thought the younger sister was kind of cute but nothing to die for...the fact that I see her more than my little cousin is odd. And she's sick for some reason so she's laying down asleep, between my family and theirs. Oh, I forgot to mention, we're eating dinner sitting on the ground around a long coffee table...a bit strange for a family get together dinner. I've had my fill of food and I lay down too...food comatose. She and I are sort of laying next to each other a bit and I'm trying to lie as still as possible as not to disturb her. As I lay down, she shifts and turns slightly toward me, as if sensing that I've laid down by her side. I close my eyes and try to nap. And then suddenly she turns over a lot, as if in a deep sleep, and winds up rolling over on to me. ...her face is on my shoulder, nose pointed at my cheek and her arm comes all the away across my chest and her hand rests on the other side of my face. For a moment, I'm trying to guess if she's really asleep or not as it would be difficult for me to flip over that much, land on someone, and not get woken up. But before I can weigh all the possibilities, I feel her shifting on me as her face inches to my cheeks and the tip of her nose and lips touch one of my cheeks as her palm touches my other cheek. And then her hand closes gently on face, her soft fingertips caress my skin...
...and then I wake up. All alone and extremely self-aware of just how alone I am. Even that small piece of accidental affection leaves me reeling. It's strange because as little time as a maybe 14 months ago, I was perfectly content to just live my life alone on my own terms.
Oh well, now for some fun stuff. I'm on vacation right now technically and my entire right lower side is very sore. Yesterday NakedEye and I were doing a photoshoot of Aaliyah Love. He was the photographer, I was the assistant and she was model. After we finally got set up, we finally got to shoot her. She was a total, total sweetheart with a level-head on her. Very professional. Jay (NakedEye) and I both were very impressed not only with her super-cuteness but also by just how warm she was. Later at dinner, I joked with him that we better get ready for the end of the world tomorrow because we just met an intelligent, sweet, responsible and professional porn star! Anyways, not only did we wind up shooting several sets, I also managed to shoot almost an hour of amazing video. Not only was I very comfortable shooting, both she and jay had excellent chemistry and there just simply were a lot of fun moments that I managed to cap on video. The shoot took place at our friends' house, Brian, who is an amazing prop maker for some of the most famous TV shows on the air right now along with a long list of many other movies and TV shows. We wound up capping the shoot by having Aaliyah pose in and on Brian's Delorean...this incredible machine that he's poured a lot of time and expertise in restoring. Hopefully I'll be able to get some pics from the shoot and possibly even some of the video I shot. We'll see...once they sort out who gets which pics.
After how well that shoot went, I'm guessing Jay will be shooting her again soon and I'll probably see her. By the way, Jay, NakedEye is an elite photographer, one of the very best in the world in the world of adult modeling. You can check out some of his best here on his SG blog NakedEye. He's been published somewhere in the hundreds and possibly thousands of times in various publications, he's here out in LA and he's a really cool and interesting guy to boot.
- R
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
tmronin:
thanks for the comments in the thread in hopefuls. you presented views that aren't normally seen on sg.
rockgirl0204:
where are you?is ev ok?