rorie

i feel so lost and unwanted.
i need to get out of here.. its like im drowning.
im fine when i dont think about it, but its always in the back of my mind ready to come out.
the anger. the pain. the abandoned-ness. the sad little girl. the old habbits. the empdy bottles of gin. crying myself to sleep. crying when i wake up. the nightmares. the monsters.
one told me that i was beautiful, and i couldnt believe him. because all i see is a mess. i broke one of my mirriors last night because the shattered image of me makes more sence.
i dont think they understand where i am. nobody does.
i thought i could get though this.. but its alot worse than the first time.
i hate being alone. i need to know someone cares about me..
to have somewhere to go and be loved is a dream i dont think will come true.
all i want to see is red, but im scared ill go too far.
i havent eaten in 2 days, and what i have.. couldnt keep down.
all i want to do is try to forget this.
my only escape is drinking.

in my own persoanl hell.

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im left here lying on the bedroom floor i realize i need something more from you i cant take this another day exhausting myself by ignoring myself im wrapped tight around your finger like this rope around my neck i just want what i deserve give my all that you deny me hear me out when i say ive had enough ill show myself out no need to get up for me start today with a clean slate another regret to cross off my list i dont need you to tell me how wrong i am i dont need you to give me your excuses i dont need you to break my heart again tonight ive had enough of you and all the pain you put me through i just want what i deserve give me all that you deny me you say that your dead - flu
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