rope176010

Boy, that was almost too easy. Flew my Presidential Jet - dubbed Airforce .5 - to Miami. Had one of those great cuban sandwiches to get me in the mood. Finding a suitable vessel wasn't hard - quick trip to Walmart and I scored one of those big alligator rafts with handles - you know the one - a set of water wings for safety and a pair of swim fins. Next stop was for provisions, since it's only a 90 mile trip I didn't need much, but there were a few things I thought would make the trip go faster. First stop was for a bottle of grey goose vanilla vodka a styrofoam cooler and a bag of ice. Second stop, well actually there was no second stop. I really couldn't think of anything else I really needed for the trip.

Flew the Presidential helicopter - dubbed Hellicopter 666 -to Key West and got ready for the voyage. Luckily I remembered what else I needed, leather. I forgot all my freakin' leather. Quick trip to my friends at Leather Master and I found just the thing. One of those black leather cabbie hats. Not only stylish but also practical as I forgot to pick up sunglasses and where was I ever to find sunglasses in Key West?

From here it was a piece of cake. Layed out - under a big umbrella of course, tans just aren't my thing, on the beach with my water wings on, my hat in place, my alligator inflated and my vodka chillin', waiting for the tide to out towards Cuba. The trip itself was rather uneventful. The alligator performed beautifully, I hardly got wet except when I spilled the vodka which happened more towards the end of the trip.

Because of the sleek, almost frictionless design of the alligator it only took about 3 hours to get to Cuba. I say about, because I never wear a watch. Does it really matter what time it is? Especially if your going to break into prison at Gitmo?

I figured the greatest chance I had of getting caught was when I reached the beach. So as soon as I saw the beach ahead of me I took off the fins and sent down to davey jone's locker. I pulled down the hat, threw away the water wings - figured the water was shallow enough here I didn't need the extra safety they afforded me in the open ocean. I hit the beach running delivering a fatal bite to the alligator just behind its head. She died with whoosh and fell limp in my arms. After stuffing her behind a palm tree I started my approach to Gitmo.

Not hard to find. Just look for the big chain link fence with razor wire and bingo you're at Gitmo. Standing at the fence I wondered how I'd get in. Then I saw it - the cellar door. Gitmo has a cellar door! What more could I ask for? Would you believe it was unlocked? My boots have to be taken off and x-rayed at airports before I can board a plane, but the cellar door at gitmo is unlocked. Go figure.

I'm actually typing this from inside Gitmo on a laptop with a bitchin' satellite link I got by trading away a shot of vodka. At first I though the price was too steep - a shot of vodka for a lousy laptop with a satellite link? - but then I figured I could always order vodka online and get it fed exed to me.

The most amazing thing is that no one even noticed I broke into prison. The place is so full of people that even the guards don't remember who are why everyone's here. I just walked down the cellar stairs on one side and walked up them on the other. Once again the cellar door wasn't locked. Some times I think I live a .......

Sorry...........gotta run. The pizza guy is banging on my cell door. Who would have thought you could order pizza delivery in Gitmo? Not only that, there's a chinese place that's supposed to have killer egg drop soup. Turns out no one its the food here since it really does suck. That's it for now, my pizza is getting cold.

R