rook

I'm writing this on campus (yes, that's relevant).

I just handed an assignment in a day early. And not because I'm a conscientious student. But because I just couldn't be arsed putting another single joule of energy into it.

I couldn't even be bothered keeping it overnight to proofread properly. It was patched together from a bunch of tiny efforts (all done for other things originally) and almost certainly has precious little internal logic contrasted nicely with a plethora of interesting mistakes.

Yesterday I handed in an assignment that was 99% a recycle of an old assignment from unit I did a few years ago. It had very little added to it, aside from a few quotes to get it over the word limit (which is dumb because quotes don't count, and I know this).

I'm also considering ditching a 'live' assessment session next week. The first thing I did when I found out about it was to check it's weight and fuck it, it's only worth 10%...I can't muster up the energy to care about that 10% enough to actually participate in the idiocy they're calling 'training for the real world'.

I just don't care any more. At the tail end of four years here I'm tapped out. Four years of struggling to make ends meet, of long nights composing and editing. Of wracking my brain for a new idea. Of bending my mind into doing things I have no reason to be doing (I recently had to design a mock-up cover for my yet-to-be-published novel. Hellooo!!! I'm a writer studying a writing degree! Graphic Arts is down the hall, fucker!).

I'm just done. I have nothing left to give. I'm tapped out of ideas. I'm tapped out of cleverness. I'm tapped out of fucking enthusiasm. I just want out.

I know I'm a writer at heart...it's the only thing that really makes any sense to me. But Jesus, this institution really knows how to suck the love out of it.