ronniek

It amazes me how many lives are lived in the things we never say. Silence breeds more possible futures than most people admit to having dreamed. The best and worst are experienced in minutes, the middletons of logic are pined over for days. Is he mad? Is he ignoring me? Why hasn't he called me back? What did my mother mean when she rolled her eyes at my plan to get a Ph.D.? You see that girl over there? She's...well, I don't know what or who she is, but look at the way she lights up a room.

Of course, all of this is the moulding on a room so full of could bes and has beens I'm running out of room for right nows. The better advice seems to be that I'm doing the right thing, but in a cliched night of pondering, the right never seemed so wrong. I'll never grow comfortable with hurting someone. It's just not in my nature. So how do I tell a person who's been the only one and no one to me that I just can't take the see-saw she calls a friendship? A girl who's surprised me with a cake, watched me cry on her bedroom floor, and ignored me almost completely for six weeks to clear her head? If anybody has the answers, please enlighten me. I probably won't listen, but it's nice to know the logic I'm denying.

On another note: Andrea Gibson is an amazing human being. She rocked the set and rocked my world with her poetry last Wednesday. Sam C. is also an amazing human being. Last Wednesday she let me ramble and rant for two hours without so much as looking away from my eyes. She listened with love, advised with honesty, and left without goodbye. So much of what I needed when I was just asking for what I want. To all of the Sam's out there, keep it up. You are the reason some of us still have faith in people.

This is me signing off. Silence will commence. So live it up, folks. Life is waiting and it won't listen to what can't be heard.