rog21

Damn the Pharm midterm was bllllaaaaaaaahhhhhh! I studied so hard for it, but then I couldn't review it all at the end because I also had to study for this stupid biochem midterm that was on the same day for the SECOND TIME! So I'll probably get like an 80% or slightly better on that Pharm, when I could have easily destroyed it...oh well, it's best 3 out of 4 in that class, so maybe I'll just drop this one...good news is: my long weekend is here!!!!

Oh except I have this social science class at 6h30 tonight though, but I hardly call that school...can't wait to spend some time with Sarah M. again in class...I'd better figure out if she has a BF, because the more I find out about her, the better it gets. She's into cardiovascular research, is a competitive athlete in a few sports (and a synchronized swimming coach), she's on this cardiovascular journal at school, volunteers at the hospital, is ridiculously intelligent and articulate, wants to go to med school (and will of course get in), and she's from my hometown! So when I go back to Montreal next year I may just see her some more...I am normally very confident with girls but now with her I am out of my comfort zone, it's weird. She's so perfect it's a little intimidating, and lately I've just been studying and I've had no time for the gym, socializing, seeing girls, so I'm a little out of my game...better put this long weekend to good use then!

I just realized I may have never had any shyness with girls because I never really went for those I really liked to begin with, which is so weird when you think about it...I always just went for what came along, and I guess it's uncharacteristic of me because I normally just go for what I want and make things happen, rather than just sit back, in other areas of my life, so why not in romance?...I think that if I do a little boring psychoanalytic introspection, it's because I always hated drama and girls with attitude, so I just went for what was "easy" and "readily available" just because it spared me the drama, and because if it didn't work then, well too bad, moving right along...But with her it's just so different. She's really smart and well rounded, so when she had her honours presentation, which was so good and compelled me to approach her, I just went right up and introduced myself and started talking to her, expecting nothing of it...But I was more than a little surprised by how little attitude and standoffishness this girl showed for someone so attractive and evidently talented, which was refreshing and kind of took me aback a little.

I guess it's like this sweet torture inside, because on the one hand I am REALLY excited about the prospect of even just seeing her in class for a few hours, and the more I learn about her the better it gets, which is so unexpected; on the other hand I am holding back a lot because it doesn't make sense to be so excited so soon about someone, which is a first for me, and surely would be offputting or a little intimidating if I just let her see that...Oh well, I guess I will just be patient and see what comes...boring, I know, and so anti-climactic. But believe me, I could use the drop in blood pressure after these crazy midterms, what with all this stress and sleep deprivation (which will hopefully turn into some other kind of depravation this weekend, hahaha!)...plus I'm not going to ask her out when I look friggin' decrepit from all this studying and not sleeping and eating crap...which reminds me I need to reestablish balance in my life, so good food, lots of sleep and some downtime baybay! If not for my health, then at least for the sake of seeing girls...

And I know that I am rambling on and going on mad tangents just now, but is there such a thing as a healthy relationship while one is in school? And if the obvious answer is no here, then can you tell a girl you don't want anything serious without sounding like a total sleazeball who just wants to sleep with her? For instance, not having the time and energy for most relationships right now (most tend to be pretty demanding), I would like to just be able to hang out with a girl, watch a movie, go out for dinner and a nice chat, go to the gym together, etc, but without having to deal with the cling or the "where were you?"s and the expectation of being available on a regular basis like it's a job...I mean one should not be jealous of my textbooks, and yes they do take up the most of my time right now, which I think is fair...but still, being able to have a good night out, or in, which is totally random and without strings, while keeping it classy and not just letting it be a sleazy booty call, seems to be a hard middle ground to reach, and I seem to usually get girls that are way at one end or other of the spectrum (like either STD-ridden nymphettes or paranoid-jealous-commitment-cling freaks). I mean I am a Scorpio, so of course I like sex, but I want to have it with a smart girl whom I can talk to and hang out with afterwards, but without her being my girlfriend. There. I guess I've finally gotten to the crux of the issue: I don't want a girlfriend, but I do want some casual QUALITY company. Does that exist, or am I insane?

And that's just the thing: Sarah would totally be the exception to that rule. I would date her steady in a heartbeat if she even showed the slightest interest. Well I guess I am back to square one then: I don't want a girlfriend usually because I don't like the prospects enough for that, which means I better find someone whom I DO like enough, i.e. Sarah. Alright, problem solved. I will go get a nice nap and clean up for Sarah later tonight, and then test out the waters... I just hope she doesn't have a boyfriend. Wouldn't that be a bitch. Ahhh but she probably doesn't; perfect girls never do somehow.

Alright, this boy is getting some sleep now. Whoa that was a lot of neuroticism for just one post... Better not accumulate such a crazy sleep deficit too often, lest I should go even more insane than usual!

Later,

Patty

Fuck I got 85% on the Pharm midterm....whhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?