Ok, starting next week I will be back on here and PSW loud and proud...however the hell u wanna put it. Ive been staying away, cause its hard for me. Especially with it being valentines day. Fuck Valentines day. I believe everyone should love and care for one another, especially their signifigant others, like they do this day every day. Not just once a year and birthdays and crap.
Last night I layed down to go to bed and laid there thinking...and thinking and my thoughts drifted on my ex, Rob, and I couldnt stop thinking, and I started to cry. I figured Ill have a good cry then fall asleep. But I couldnt stop crying. I kept crying. Then my mom came in and said she heard me all the way down the hall (its a long ass hallway) with the TV on. I didnt realize my volume after a while I guess. But even when she came in, I couldnt stop crying....I kept on fucking crying...and crying and crying...I couldnt believe it. I hadnt cried like this since my friends died in this one car accident. I didnt even cry this much when I was raped in November. My mom didnt want to leave me alone so she layed down in my bed and hugged me like I was a little girl. After almost 4 hours of crying, I finally drifted off. I still cant believe it. I havent cried close to as much as this since my ex Sam packed up and left me 2 1/2 years ago. Like WTF here. I hate him for doing this to me.....he dosent have a fucking soul to know hes causing someone so much pain and not even call and say hes sorry and verbally finally tell me he was unhappy and wanted to break up. Yeah, STILL NO WORD FOLKS. What a guy, what a FUCKING charming fellow.
My heart is still greiving and not over him obviously, but my brain is like "GIRLLL, dont waste another second or ounce of thought on his coward ass. You know you deserve better, AND you will one day find better....find someone who will love u and adore you." My brain needs to have a pow wow with my heart somehow....mabey I can get them to meet for coffee Saturday at noon? I'll have a strawberry cream frap. Tastey.
ALRIGHT......Well, went to the doctors today, 2 weeks since my surgery and the weight loss total so far is... *drum roll please*.... 20 POUNDS!!!!!!
So thats going good. And I now have permission to start driving, eating more solids and exercising. And I can start riding my horses soon. Im setting my limit to when I reach 250 pounds (15 more pounds to go) I'll start riding again. FUCK YESS!!!!!!!!
So tomorow, Im off to Orange County. Im gonna not just hang around town in my PJ pants and a shirt....every day I am going to dress hot and classy and put on my make up and do my hair and hang with my friends. Its time I start going out when I get a chance to and leave that loser in the past.
I get to see my Lioness Fiance (Im her penguin bitches) and hair wife Jolie. We talk like every day on the phone, but it dosent match up to how happy I feel when I hang out with her in person, shes seriously one of the bestest best (and hottest) friends I could ever hope to be blessed with in my life. We dont waste the pretty, murrrhhhhhh!!!!
Oh yes and Avidity, thank you for ALWAYS being there for me, especially through all of this BS and always making me feel better. Thats priceless.
Last night I layed down to go to bed and laid there thinking...and thinking and my thoughts drifted on my ex, Rob, and I couldnt stop thinking, and I started to cry. I figured Ill have a good cry then fall asleep. But I couldnt stop crying. I kept crying. Then my mom came in and said she heard me all the way down the hall (its a long ass hallway) with the TV on. I didnt realize my volume after a while I guess. But even when she came in, I couldnt stop crying....I kept on fucking crying...and crying and crying...I couldnt believe it. I hadnt cried like this since my friends died in this one car accident. I didnt even cry this much when I was raped in November. My mom didnt want to leave me alone so she layed down in my bed and hugged me like I was a little girl. After almost 4 hours of crying, I finally drifted off. I still cant believe it. I havent cried close to as much as this since my ex Sam packed up and left me 2 1/2 years ago. Like WTF here. I hate him for doing this to me.....he dosent have a fucking soul to know hes causing someone so much pain and not even call and say hes sorry and verbally finally tell me he was unhappy and wanted to break up. Yeah, STILL NO WORD FOLKS. What a guy, what a FUCKING charming fellow.
My heart is still greiving and not over him obviously, but my brain is like "GIRLLL, dont waste another second or ounce of thought on his coward ass. You know you deserve better, AND you will one day find better....find someone who will love u and adore you." My brain needs to have a pow wow with my heart somehow....mabey I can get them to meet for coffee Saturday at noon? I'll have a strawberry cream frap. Tastey.
ALRIGHT......Well, went to the doctors today, 2 weeks since my surgery and the weight loss total so far is... *drum roll please*.... 20 POUNDS!!!!!!
So thats going good. And I now have permission to start driving, eating more solids and exercising. And I can start riding my horses soon. Im setting my limit to when I reach 250 pounds (15 more pounds to go) I'll start riding again. FUCK YESS!!!!!!!!
So tomorow, Im off to Orange County. Im gonna not just hang around town in my PJ pants and a shirt....every day I am going to dress hot and classy and put on my make up and do my hair and hang with my friends. Its time I start going out when I get a chance to and leave that loser in the past.
I get to see my Lioness Fiance (Im her penguin bitches) and hair wife Jolie. We talk like every day on the phone, but it dosent match up to how happy I feel when I hang out with her in person, shes seriously one of the bestest best (and hottest) friends I could ever hope to be blessed with in my life. We dont waste the pretty, murrrhhhhhh!!!!
Oh yes and Avidity, thank you for ALWAYS being there for me, especially through all of this BS and always making me feel better. Thats priceless.
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sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.
mmmmmuah