rockabillyangel

Ive always been plus sized....I sorta look back and wonder why my mom didnt restrict what I ate...like bought healthy things and didnt let me eat so much crap food or somthing....my brother who is 5 years older than me was never overweight. He has a normal guy body. I was 99 pounds by Kindergarden. I didnt know that was a bad thing and I told some 5th graders that and they looked at me like I was a freak. I was always the chubby fat friend growing up. Kids chanting the jingle from televison commericals for Jenny Craig Weight Loss "1 800 97 Jenny!!!!!", and telling me I was making the cracks in the blacktop on the playground happen cause I was so fat. I took horse back riding lessons weekly and even my trainer would talk to me about my weight. I played soccer, baseball, and basketball. But I was always still medically overweight.

In high school, the end of my freshman year I went on the Atkins diet (no carbs basicly), and I lost over 50 pounds in 4 months. I still throught I was fat ( I look back now and realize I was an idiot for thinking that)....but I was able to shop in the teen departments finally and wear clothes that kids my age wore.....I started wearing make up. I went into my sophmore year of high school and got accepted into a "cooler" group of friends, and I got my first boyfriend and first kiss and what not. I went off the Atkins diet and gained like 20 pounds back, but was able to keep it steady then for about 1 1/2 years. I went through a various amount of relationships and all that high school drama. I really always remained the fat chubby friend of the hot chick that every guy wanted, it got tiering at times........ At graduation, I was back at the weight where I was when I had originally started the atkins diet 3 years ago.

I started college in the summer sessions so I really only had a 3 week summer vacation after I graduated High School. I was working out at the gym with a personal trainer or on my own every morning 5 times a week at 6 AM , then from the gym I went to work at Subway till 3 pm, then after work Id head onto the freeway for a 45 minute commute to my college (The art institute of orange county) and be in class from 5 to 9pm, then drive home and work on homework till I passed out and get barely any sleep and start it all over again. That lasted about a month and I ended up having to drop the gym.....my weight went up and up with no time to exercise and tons of stress from work, school and relationships. My depression and anxiety was soaring. I finally quit my job, went on meds, and started re examining my life after a very bad break up and nervous breakdown. I was doing horrible in school, but kept with it for a few more quarters.

My parents sold the house I grew up in and moved 2 hours away to San diego County, and so I found my own place to stay in a little studio in Orange County while working at petsmart and taking classes for the art institute online. Thats basicly when my health REALLY went to shit I suppose. I dont like to live alone really. Most the people at my job were assholes, and made me an outcast cause I was "different"(the girls were all SKINNY blonde haired blue eyed chicks who dressed trendy and I was the fat redhead who was punk/goth/rockabilly/fetish). I ate nothing but crap food, its what I could afford and easiest to eat on the go and the only places around work were fast food. I was doing some modeling on the side (Poison Apple Girls), which only lasted like 6 months cause the manager was a bitch and didnt know shit of how to run a proper bussiness.My health was crap and one of my doctors was trying a new anti depression and anti anxiety medication on me, which made me sleep CONSTANTLY and I was basicly like a vegetable. I ended up stopping my online classes and then quit my job after the store manager screwed me over. My doctor switched me back to my original meds and I started being more like a human once again.

My mom came to visit me one day and had noticed my depression coming back and that how I was living wasnt healthy. I had been saying how I had thought about it alot and I decided I wanted to get the gastric banding surgery done. So my mom told me if I moved in with them for 75% of the time and got myself back on track, that shed help me with the surgery.

So....here I am 9 months later. My health is still shit, but Im supposed to hear from my insurance any time now that they give the surgery a thumbs up and then I will finally have it. I'll be able to help my body get healthier finally.

One thing I find a blessing is that Ive found the most wonderful man who has such an amazing soul. He thinks Im beautiful how I am now, and loves me for me. He is patient with me, and he gets me. I dont think I could of asked for more.