rochelle

I have been thinking seriously the past few days, well attempting to.

Over the past year, I have aquired this great love for people who are humble. I believe that humility is such a wonderful, and rare quality, and I ever so badly want to possess it. It definetly sucks to note your self as a tad vain, or concieted or up in your own shit. I think self esteem is good, but sometimes Ii hear myself talking and I have to take a step back and go "eww, your a little bitch!!". I want to fix this.

I also want to learn to speak spanish. It is nt my fav language at all, but I do have cuban blood, my mom is jamacian(euro) and cuban.

I went poo like at least 5 times yesterday!!! I went to bed around 11 pm, but my cell phone rang at 11:50 and woke me. It was really creepy, because the purple x-mas lights (which I like to call faerie lights) were blinking superfast on and off, which I ihave never seen them do. I suddenly had the strangest feeling that something was wrong within my apartment, but being chicken I totally would not leave my bed chamber to investigate the rest of the apartment. I just turned off the lights, and prayed silently for protection. Speaking of prayer, I broke the chain on my cross by mistake and need to have it fixed. Its my fav necklace, made of white gold (the chain) the cross made of tiny little dimonds. It was my 18th birthday present from mi madre.

I need to purchase a new computer.

I also am going to try to get some pictures up of me and my new hairdo as soon as possible.

I will go and take the preg test today. Everyone say a prayer. I have been pregnace once before when I was 17, and I had an abortion. I have no regrets on the matter, because I know there is no way I could have cared for a baby emotionally, let alone financially at that age-I was far to self destructive, plus I did not want to have that connection with the father ( boy I dated for almost 5 years). I believe children to be extrodinary creatures, and I find it persoanlly offensive when they are braught into a world where the parent can not do 100% right by him or her. Now at 21, while Ii believe I would make a wonderful mother (emotionally) I can not financially give it all it needs, and there are so many things I need to do let alone want to do before I have a kid. I never was one for the idea of natural child birth anyway. I like the idea of adopting. If I am pregnant, I will definelty be upset because I love the man that would be the father, and I hate the very thought of having to abort his child. Lets just hope it is stress making my rag m.i.a.