rochelle

What up!


Word to the wise, vicoden is not a good drug. I hate vicoden. I hate vicoden, I hate vicoden, yet I seem to keep doing it. I got scripts for the pills a bit ago when I got my left side wisdom teeth taken out. I don't like downers. I don't like feeling sleepy, plus vics make you unable to poo, and your skin crappy! But, you can snort it. I don't know, I like to put shit up my nose. But despite what my actions show, I hate drugs! I hate drugs cause people abuse them and they can make people suck so bad!! Sometimes I feel like I am the only person who can have just as much fun sober as I can when trashed, if not more so. I just like the feeling of being high. True, I have definelty used drugs or booze to avoid reality, hense why I really try to avoid shit like that when I'm having a hard time in my life. But seriously, Ii really like having a fabulous day, and coming home and hitting a joint. But my day is no more less fab if I don't smoke it..you catch my drift. Thats is not the case with most people and it upsets me.

The Lost boy came to my house last night, and he was trashed. Drunk off his ass and filled up on vics. I know it's sick, but he looked so gorgeous, in a tragically, bad boy, self destructive, eyes all glazed, evil grin, way. He looked so fucking beautiful, and I couldn't help but stroke his ego by telling his how hot he was and drooling all over him. But, he was still really fucked up and it really scared me, cause I don't know..the Lost boy isn't like that. He isn't this evil guy. He seemed like he was hiding from himself, he really did, and I just wanted to hold him, but I had had a great night and I was just like "have fun, don't be babysitter,get crunked". Big mistake. First off, no matter how much I drank or how much vics I did, I was still more together then he was, and I couldn't stop hurting for him. I really do love Keith. I love him and it hurts to see him in the state. It is painful to me. Painful and old, cause I have been here before, with another boy, and its no fun at all. That boy was different from Kieth, we were not friends in the same way-we didn't mesh/come from the same sort of world, but we saw each other and that was enough to form a bond. We formed a bond and I watched this boy go through hell because of drugs. I seen so many people go to hell because of drugs. It revolts me, and makes me sad, but I am a hypocrite cause Ii am there with them, rollin up paper, cuttin lines, making beer runs. Why?


On a brighter note. Me and my best girl went to a haunted mansion last night which was crazy fun. The I went back to the town Ii lived in Last year and hung out with one of my peeps and met her new guy. Me and my girl just drove around all night, in and out of towns and tiny little cities of upstate new york talking and talking and talking. It was great to be out on the town. It was great to feel normal. I wish I had not got fucked up when I got home. I wish Ii had just stayed sober, and took care of Keith. As we lay in bed, I could hear all the alcohol in his body move around. When he burped, I swear, it was like he kept swallowing his puke. I wanted to give him iapec and force him to throw up, but I don't own any for one thing, and also, I don't force people to do shit.

I have to get clothes for tomorrow. I am going to the city to club for Halloween!

PEACE!