rochelle

Hey all,

I am sorry Ii have not written in awhile. I have been working on personal projects, and more importantly, trying to deal with this whole life buisness. My sister is in the hospital. She took a bunch of pills. She addressed the suicide note to the family, but she put my name first on all the letters and envelopes, or would write my name then and family:

Thats sorta heavy.

And I am glad I held that place for her, that importance, cause as much as she became a real person to me as I grew older and less of this super cool non human like big sister, Ii loved her still. I love her still.

I want to say that she is selfesh for doing this, but I don't feel this way. We are all selfesh for not seeing one another, and holding one another, and trying to peer out of ourselves and into other people worlds and hearts, and Ii hate being a person today, and I hate living in this world, cause we always fuck shit up, and I just want to be alone now, and burn my cds and work on my books and clean my apartment and try not to cry or think of how shit is all wrong outside, how shit was feeling so right for me inside, and now it feels all messy again.

Rochelle