robosagogo

I probably would've considered the last three to be more important than the first three. Whatever, it's not like these lists are made with me in mind anyway. If you wanna raise kids and are afraid of getting robbed by people with less money than you while you're on the way back from the bank, then that link would probably be a valuable resource.

In other news, I still don't know what to do with myself. I am planning to fly to Seattle,Washington (I fly free within the US because my mom works for the airlines) to meet this girl from the internet that I'm friends with. I'm a pessimist and I think I'm fat, so I figure the experience'll be awkward and disappointing for one of us. On the bright side, I'm a 6'2ish young man with a devil may care attitude so I'm really not worried about this turning into a Lifetime movie horror story (Murder Via Modem: Deadly Connections) as internet meetings sometimes do. Still, if I should perish tell the network that it was my wish to be portrayed by the star of Blossom. And please, Tia and Tamera Mowry need work.

Anyway, at least it's doing something with myself instead of just wallowing in the pool of self-contempt that lactates forth from my udders of misery (which is my agenda for the forseeable future). I think that deep down inside I don't want to save myself. It's like I need to have my worth validated by proving someone cares enough to pull me out of my own hole (what a raunchy adventure that would be). It's kind of a sidekick thing. I just want the attention of a square-jawed super person, maybe because it's the next best thing to being super myself. Batman always rescues Robin, but he never forces him to quit despite how hapless he is because he still believes the ward has potential. Robin's still a loser in green hotpants, but for a guy who regularly gets victimized by mental patients and clowns he's got high self-esteem.

Course, some people seeking super-approval end up in abusive relationships....



THEN SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED


Just got into an argument with my dad. He asked me to pray and I made a prayer that he interpreted as mildly blasphemous (and rightly so). He came to the conclusion that I can't live in his house unless I have a positive attitude about God and didn't really listen when I tried to tell him my opinions about religion and God are things that I should work out on on my own without coercion from anyone (God excluded) and that I certainly shouldn't be forced into religious compliance because that does nobody any good.

I then clarified that I hadn't meant to insult God, but rather him.* That made him flip out even more and caused him to call me unappreciative. Then he started ranting over and over about how I'm obviously not happy here and how I should just go out into the world to wherever I want to live and blah blah blah.

Yeah, it's true that I don't really want to be here, but I still don't know where I truly want to be instead of this place. When I'm not cursing myself I'm giving the matter serious thought. It's funny that he's encouraging me to move out and live life like I want to because that's what I wanted from him in the first place. I wanted to be encouraged and helped along my path. I had hoped for there to be less malice and anger involved in it, though...

*Dad didn't really do anything wrong, but there are two things he does that bug the hell out of me and he did do both tonight and that caused me to be more disrespectful than usual.

1) He's overly affectionate. He's not molesting me, or anything, but there's tons of unwelcome touching. I tell him I hate it but he's constantly violating my personal space. I even hit him (lightly) and push him off (lightly) to get him to stop, but he never respects it. If he wasn't old and my Dad, I'd have tried to beat him up by now. Also, he does this weird, whiny baby voice during the space violations. Ugh.

2) He prays all the time. I don't have anything against prayer no matter who you're praying to. I just think that when you pray as much as he does, it's because you're generally an indecisive person who just doesn't feel comfortable controlling your own life (this is corroborated by the fact that he swings a pendulum/necklace to determine small matters like where to eat dinner rather than just choosing what to do on his own). That's just a tiny peeve I'd have that would never be brought up if not for the fact that he makes me pray with him. I still don't have a solid stance on religion and I don't feel right praying if I don't mean it. I pretended to be religious a few years ago and I still feel dirty about that.