So...the worst year of my life continues...
In January my fiancé revealed that she was having doubts about marrying me. After five years of being together. Six months before our wedding. Two months later she brought the axe down with all the force she could muster and I had to leave our home.
I am single, wifeless, childless, homeless...well, I have a rented flat but I think you get my drift...
Basically my whole life has been turned upside-down.
Now...life is tricky. I'm an introvert with social anxiety issues. I sometimes feel lonely, sometimes I feel alone, sometimes I despair. Sometimes I feel hope, excitement for the future. Most times I imagine a life of loneliness...
But this is an opportunity for a new start, a new beginning. I can see myself, my life, as a blank canvas on which to splash vivid colours in broad, fresh, energetic strokes! For a time, I can be me. I can do as I feel, when I feel. I can be selfish for a while and not concern myself with what another person expects of me. I feel a strange sense of freedom.
As part of filling this white canvas with colour, I have begun a reinvention of sorts. First, a little more thought in the wardrobe department. Second, growing a big bushy hipster beard. Why not, they're all the rage! Third...my first tattoo!
I've always liked the idea of a tattoo but never had the guts to go ahead with one. Now, as my reinvention proceeds, I thought "fuck it, why not!". Liking the idea of the abstract but also something personal to me, I have gone with a Japanese wind and wave design. I sketched the idea out myself and, in a months time, a talented artist will have jabbed it onto my skin (hopefully). Why Japanese? Well, I love Japan! I've been twice (both amazing trips) and I love the culture, the art, the history, the gadgets, the modern buildings, the old buildings, the neon, the blossom, the green tea, the kit kats, the manga, the anime, the video games, the cities, the countryside...I could go on.
So, why share with the Suicide Girls community?
Having just rejoined (to look at the pretty pictures), I feel (and hope) that the community on here shares the same sensibilities as I do. A love of the cult, of things not quite mainstream, of non-conformity, of openness, of all things liberal, an acceptance of what society deems a bit weird and odd and stupid and strange...
I hope to share with a like-minded community and I hope to make acquaintances and friendships, even if it's just electronic. I hope to support and be supported. I hope to accept and find acceptance.
And I hope not to have bored anyone with this rambling first blog!!!
Future blogs will be more interesting, I'm sure...
