robinsteal1980

I'm wasting away, and know that if Taylor doesn't feel comfortable leaving my daughter in my care, then there is nothing I can do other then take her to court, and drag my beautiful innocent daughter through a ugly court battle, and that isn't something she deserves to be put through. So now I'm stuck in a hamster wheel scenario where on one hand I have my beautiful daughter which I've never got to hold except the day she was born, then on the other hand im an addict who is having a hard time finding the strength to get clean, and I don't know the solution to end this nightmare. Sure getting clean is something that I can understand is necessary to being a good father even though I was raised by a family who parents where using meth my entire life and even though we didn't have everything kids would want growing up, we still always had plenty of food, and clothes. My parents did the best they could despite them both being addicted to meth the whole time, and I feel like I had a fairly normal childhood. I understand that the average similar story isn't as positive as mine, but I truly believe I can accomplish somewhat similar results as my parents. However Taylor ( baby mama) doesn't feel the same, and is refusing to let me be a father until I'm clean. I understand her reasoning, and to be honest she does have a valid concern that I can't argue, but I knowing that wouldn't ever put a drug before my child, and know how to maintain myself without putting her in danger. I feel that I'm smart enough to know whats an acceptable level of usage. And maybe being a father would be the one thing that has to happen to show me I don't need, or want drugs in my life anymore giving me the reason to finally quit for good. But I need the chance meet, and hold my child before I can fully make that assumption. I don't know what to do, and its making me want to use drugs even more now that Taylor has robbed me of the chance of being a father to my daughter.