So I was talking to my co-worker Karina the other day about her friend who just got out of an abusive relationship and I started talking about my relationship with my exhusband. And then we started talking about what it was like getting out of the relationship with no support from my parents (who thought I'd turned my back on God) and how I was forbidden from home and living out of my car. All while my mom was finding out about her cancer. And it hit me, wow, I've been through a lot!
And it was just such a relief to remember it all and realize that I made it through all that standing. And better for it all, too. I was talking to my roommate about how important dropping my last few dress sizes is to me. How big of a deal it is for me to get back to the weight I was before him (I gained 12-14 dress sizes when I was with him). I told him once I get that back, it's like I'll have regained the last of what he took from me. And my roommate looked me in the eyes and said "Honey, you'll have that and so much more." It made me smile, because he's right.
When I was growing up all my cliche phrases I used were about writing "it was a great writing experience" or "what does not kill you makes you a better writer." And looking back at Brad and my parents and everything I realized just how true that really is to me. How because I've gone through those things and because I want to write about them one day, I'll be able to reach out to people better and touch them for it. Help people get out of the terrible situation that I was in.
I so desperately want to write about women, strong women. Women who start off weak and helpless and insecure, but find their sense of self. It's all part of my calling. Jase is that. This amazing girl who just can't see that she was taken advantage of. Who's letting one mistake destroy her life. My heart goes out to Jase. To Karina's friend and to women in general, who all too often can't see their own sense of self worth. I want to create a new female role model type. A women who is strong, but full of grace and gentleness and love. The women I've always admired the most were the ones who could put themselves out there with no fear of rejection and just accept the people in their life completely for the amazing beings that they are. Those are the women I try to write about, cause that's the type of women that I try to be.
And it was just such a relief to remember it all and realize that I made it through all that standing. And better for it all, too. I was talking to my roommate about how important dropping my last few dress sizes is to me. How big of a deal it is for me to get back to the weight I was before him (I gained 12-14 dress sizes when I was with him). I told him once I get that back, it's like I'll have regained the last of what he took from me. And my roommate looked me in the eyes and said "Honey, you'll have that and so much more." It made me smile, because he's right.
When I was growing up all my cliche phrases I used were about writing "it was a great writing experience" or "what does not kill you makes you a better writer." And looking back at Brad and my parents and everything I realized just how true that really is to me. How because I've gone through those things and because I want to write about them one day, I'll be able to reach out to people better and touch them for it. Help people get out of the terrible situation that I was in.
I so desperately want to write about women, strong women. Women who start off weak and helpless and insecure, but find their sense of self. It's all part of my calling. Jase is that. This amazing girl who just can't see that she was taken advantage of. Who's letting one mistake destroy her life. My heart goes out to Jase. To Karina's friend and to women in general, who all too often can't see their own sense of self worth. I want to create a new female role model type. A women who is strong, but full of grace and gentleness and love. The women I've always admired the most were the ones who could put themselves out there with no fear of rejection and just accept the people in their life completely for the amazing beings that they are. Those are the women I try to write about, cause that's the type of women that I try to be.
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Doing lots for the birthday. Tomorrow, 2 friends are surprising me with. a...surprise.
Friday is movie, music buying and Karaoke.
Saturday is good food and good wine night.
Sunday is more movies. And probably wine.
Like, every night this weekend.
I like intense.
It came out so easily that it feels like it should be left alone.
The only change I'd make is titling it 'For Riz'.
P.S. Everyone that has left a comment on this journal lives in the Portland area. You planning on moving out here?'Cause you've already got friends here.