rivetheadf

So tired, so tired. It's 5:57 am, I try to sleep but I can't stop thinking. Too bad there's nothing to do here at night.

I got to see my sister this holiday. She's living in Lugano, Switzerland and I'm so jealous. I haven't seen her in about 3 years. She's so much like me, it seems she's the only one of my relatives that I'm actually related to. That alone really made this holiday great.

About this holiday, it seemed very weird. I can't really explain it, but I'm glad it's over. Now I need to decide what to do on New Year's. I'm really not looking forward to it. I'm not close to the people I spent it with last year anymore and I'm not seeing anyone. Usually I'd just do what they wanted to do. This year I'm going to probably have to seek out something or just stay home. I'll probably choose the latter and watch some movies.

I saw a few movies though: King Kong, Narnia, and The Ringer. They were all pretty good, although The Ringer isn't even close to the other two.

One of my favorite bands, The Birthday Massacre are coming to Utah in March. It seems so far away. I'll have to find someone to go with because no one else I know likes them enough to want to go with me.

Well, there's the longest journal post ever for me so far. A few weeks ago I was going through some of my old stuff in boxes at my mom's house. I found two really old journals of mine. Hoping to find some good reading I opened the first one up. Only one page had been written in. The journal entry said something along the line of "had a good day today". Really basic and short. I wrote it a little over 16 years ago. The second journal was totally empty. I also found an old picture of me and my cousins and grandparents. We are on a boat and everyone is grouped on one side of the boat except me, I'm by myself on the other side. That sums up my relationship with my family. I feel really close to my grandma yet until recently I would never visit. I'm trying to change that part of my life. Now I visit her every week. I feel horrible I didn't visit more before my grandpa died. I miss him so much. We used to have conversations in my dreams right after he died. I haven't had a dream like that in almost a year.

It's 6:36 am and I'm still awake. I'm so tired but now I have good music on and writing this is making me think more. I thought it would help calm my mind a bit. Maybe I'll go to sleep after this song...