riversong

Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing a lot better than I am.

to touch base about the death of my father, I want you all to know i'm doing okay. I don't think i'll ever be "fine" again. the first few weeks were extremely tough. but I pulled through (obviously), and it's all thanks to all the wonderful people who support me. My huge family, my friends, my hubby, my coworkers, and also all of you who have sent me such kind words.

It's very annoying to hear the constant "i'm sorry for your loss" (even though the thought is appreciated, and I know sometimes it's the easiest thing to say when you don't have words), but the emails I got from some of you were so kind and helpful. You'll never know how much it was appreciated.

I've been doing a bit of spiritual searching the past week or two. I don't know if i'm really searching for answers, or a spiritual truth, or some kind of comfort. I just started searching. Mainly because I know when you're searching for something, you'll always find it. So searching without an end result in mind, I found that there is a spiritual consciousness (some call it Being, God, or the Collective) of sorts. There is the Mind, Body, and Spirit; and when you free your spirit of the mind and body, you return to the Collective/God/Being/Heaven. Most everyone accomplishes this through Death, at the end of their lives here on earth, this dimension. But there are some that achieve this through meditation, or whatever else (like I said, I've only been searching for a few weeks).

I found immense comfort in this. After talking to my Tattoo artist/boss/best friend about her experiences and knowledge of the Afterlife, I found comfort in knowing that he is still around me in every sense of the word (I guess I preferred it when he was trapped in his body, because that'll make sex awkward ), that i'll see him when I can be free of my mind and body, and that I know he is very free and enlightened.

I know that he loves me, and was very proud of me. that helped me a lot as well. He always made it a point to tell me how proud he was of me, no matter what I did. I don't think I could have done any wrong. I will miss him so much though. even after my comfort in knowing that he's all around me and he's "home" now, i'll still miss his hugs, prickly-face kisses, and his voice. part of me wishes I were a medium of sorts, so I could talk to him in my dreams. but I doubt that'll happen. it hasn't happened yet. just weird dreams of different, dream-like funerals for him.
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In very good news: "Caffeine Fixation" got bought! it'll go live, i believe, Aug 20th. Shot by Kraven, it's her 2nd set as a photographer that has been bought (the first one being "Marvel" by BetteJean). Please be sure to congratulate her on her massive achievement!

i'll be back, in sorts. i won't blog very often, but i'll check my messages. So if you wish to contact me, here's ways to do so:

Twitter: deannabanana90
Instagram: deannabanana90
email: riversongsuicide@gmail.com

thanks, and i hope you all have a lovely week!