Quantus Airlines:
After every flight, pilots fill out
a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then
respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the
solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Not yet able to reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspected crack verified.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
After every flight, pilots fill out
a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then
respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the
solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Not yet able to reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspected crack verified.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
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