riotprincess

let me preface this by explaining that i'm getting sick again.

this time i'm concious of it and how it makes me feel and act, but i know that my friends don't understand. which pisses me off even more... it's like, they think they are doing something nice for me by calling me up all day long and suggesting places that i should go with them, things we should do. things involving liquor and smoking things. things involving driving or conversation or an ability to be coherent, period. it's just not something i can do. so then they get upset that i never come out and that i'm not being active in our friendship when what i really need out of a friendship right now is someone who will just be there. who would show up at my house with a couple movies and maybe some gelato, and would just sit with me and maybe hold my hand if i need and not expect me to talk and if i cry not feel a need for an explanation. i can't think of anyone in my life right now who would do this for me - and that's what makes me sad more than anything. we're on our own in every way, some days more than others.

'til my head starts to clear again i've gotta thicken my skin even more. it's me and smo against the world for the moment.