Ive noticed lately that i have been an emotional wreck. I mean im ALWAYS an emotional wreck, but it seems to be moreso than ever. My eyes tear up and my throat gets a lump and i try to hold back the tears unsuccessfully. I die more and more each day. Because i think about all of my friends that are over in Iraq. Yeah, im gay. But it saddens me. And its not even that they are close friends....just people i've met along the way through out 22 years.
My friend Jerome, whom i met last year, was shipped out last month. He called me a day before he left and i asked if he was scared. He said of course he was but that wasnt going to stop him from fighting the good fight. After i got off the phone with him, i cried because on some level i thought i would never hear his voice again. I took a walk that night in my pajamas and tried to get all of these bullshit emotions out of the way but it wasnt happening. All i ended up doing was dirtying my feet. Another friend, Hayden, whom i havent seen since my HS choir class is over there too. But he has a wife, a child and another on the way. Whats going to happen to them if something happens to him?? It depresses me because there are thousands of widowed homes and fatherless children because of the war. Thousands of grieving parents over their sons and daughters. Millions asking why. No one with the answer. And you know what set off these thoughts??
Goddamn music videos.
Green Day and My Chemical Romance. Both released videos depicting scenes of war and both crush me every fucking time i see them. And it doesnt help that a verse is "Never Coming Home, Never Coming Home" repeated 498754986 times. Music has always been my comfort...every time i was depressed & tightly gripping a razor blade, music was the only thing that made me step down. And now to see it reminding me of why i am an emotional wreck in the first place makes me feel like i have nothing to turn to anymore.
I hate sharing my feelings. So disregard this after you read it.
ba-CAW!
My friend Jerome, whom i met last year, was shipped out last month. He called me a day before he left and i asked if he was scared. He said of course he was but that wasnt going to stop him from fighting the good fight. After i got off the phone with him, i cried because on some level i thought i would never hear his voice again. I took a walk that night in my pajamas and tried to get all of these bullshit emotions out of the way but it wasnt happening. All i ended up doing was dirtying my feet. Another friend, Hayden, whom i havent seen since my HS choir class is over there too. But he has a wife, a child and another on the way. Whats going to happen to them if something happens to him?? It depresses me because there are thousands of widowed homes and fatherless children because of the war. Thousands of grieving parents over their sons and daughters. Millions asking why. No one with the answer. And you know what set off these thoughts??
Goddamn music videos.
Green Day and My Chemical Romance. Both released videos depicting scenes of war and both crush me every fucking time i see them. And it doesnt help that a verse is "Never Coming Home, Never Coming Home" repeated 498754986 times. Music has always been my comfort...every time i was depressed & tightly gripping a razor blade, music was the only thing that made me step down. And now to see it reminding me of why i am an emotional wreck in the first place makes me feel like i have nothing to turn to anymore.
I hate sharing my feelings. So disregard this after you read it.
ba-CAW!
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That's like... 264 months.
but i didn't join the military so that i could go to college for free. i joined so that i could do something to protect the freedoms that 9/10 of this country takes for granted.
i have a 2 year old son that i love very much, and i am willing to do anything for him. and if that means i have to go to iraq and live like shit for a year to prevent something that might not ever happen, guess what. still completely worth it. a lot of people think we are over there for no reason. i think that if i am making any sort of stand at all for my sons future freedom and lifestyle then it is completely worth it no matter what the costs are to me or anybody else.
just my opinion