Trip to chicago was amazing..as expected. I have amazing friends that can keep my mind off of stupid shit. And missing work and school for half a week wandering around a huge city wasted with one of your bestfriends isn't too bad either..haha.
I just wanna go back though. I gotta get outta here. Like...soon. Second job time. Save up. Enjoy the summer. And get the hell out of here. Seeing as how there's not really much here for me anymore anyways... I can take community classes anywhere...I just feel like i'm going stir crazy. Gotta get out. I need change. Drastically.
...Been doing my best to not look back ... stay busy...move on. Haven't talked to the ex since we exchanged stuff 3 weeks ago...and of course when I'm at a house party with a bunch of people I just met he calls me wasted at 4 in the morning........I was so torn.... and it didn't help that I was drunk as hell...I wanted so badly to talk to him..since that's all I've wanted to do since he told me it was over..and every fucking thing I do every God damn day reminds me of him or us...so I tried to for a minute. I was buying into his apologies and attempts to tell me 'he just wants me to be happy'...
But I was happy. With you. I don't understand this. Why do this? Why push me away when you should actually be letting me comfort you? Why end our relationship over your insecurites?? Why tell me you 'want us to stay friends' and then when I try and hang out with you.. you blow me off???? And why now, when i'm just starting to finally think I can get over this and move on....do you call me, drunk, to tell me you're sorry and know you were wrong and just want me to be happy......? Why did it take you getting shitfaced, after three fucking weeks..to grow the balls to call me...when I've been just dying to talk to you, to be with you...to get my bestfriend back................................................
it's all just too much for me I think. It's not fair.
I couldn't do it, I told him it was upsetting me talking about it and I was in the middle of a party.. Not about to start breaking down crying in front of a bunch of people I just met... great first impression. Crazy drunk chick. I ended up having to hang up so I woudln't get anymore upset..but I felt bad about it.
And what now?
He was just drunk so don't think anything of it and continue trying to move the fuck on....?
Pretend like those 8 minutes on the phone won't be playing over in my mind for the next month and the sound of his voice didn't almost stop my heart......?........
I guess so.
God.fucking.dammit.
Does anybody know where I could get some strength..... I could really use it right about now.
I just wanna go back though. I gotta get outta here. Like...soon. Second job time. Save up. Enjoy the summer. And get the hell out of here. Seeing as how there's not really much here for me anymore anyways... I can take community classes anywhere...I just feel like i'm going stir crazy. Gotta get out. I need change. Drastically.
...Been doing my best to not look back ... stay busy...move on. Haven't talked to the ex since we exchanged stuff 3 weeks ago...and of course when I'm at a house party with a bunch of people I just met he calls me wasted at 4 in the morning........I was so torn.... and it didn't help that I was drunk as hell...I wanted so badly to talk to him..since that's all I've wanted to do since he told me it was over..and every fucking thing I do every God damn day reminds me of him or us...so I tried to for a minute. I was buying into his apologies and attempts to tell me 'he just wants me to be happy'...
But I was happy. With you. I don't understand this. Why do this? Why push me away when you should actually be letting me comfort you? Why end our relationship over your insecurites?? Why tell me you 'want us to stay friends' and then when I try and hang out with you.. you blow me off???? And why now, when i'm just starting to finally think I can get over this and move on....do you call me, drunk, to tell me you're sorry and know you were wrong and just want me to be happy......? Why did it take you getting shitfaced, after three fucking weeks..to grow the balls to call me...when I've been just dying to talk to you, to be with you...to get my bestfriend back................................................
it's all just too much for me I think. It's not fair.
I couldn't do it, I told him it was upsetting me talking about it and I was in the middle of a party.. Not about to start breaking down crying in front of a bunch of people I just met... great first impression. Crazy drunk chick. I ended up having to hang up so I woudln't get anymore upset..but I felt bad about it.
And what now?
He was just drunk so don't think anything of it and continue trying to move the fuck on....?
Pretend like those 8 minutes on the phone won't be playing over in my mind for the next month and the sound of his voice didn't almost stop my heart......?........
I guess so.
God.fucking.dammit.
Does anybody know where I could get some strength..... I could really use it right about now.
acidevangelist:
Lean on your friends, on the ones you trust. Let your friends be your strength.