Stress doesn't even begin to describe it. My left eye has been twitching intermittently every day since the middle of June.
I'm being pulled in several different directions.
First of all there's school. I'm graduating in March, meaning I will defend my Ph.D. thesis in January or February, but there's a lot I need to get accomplished by then.
Then there's the girlfriend. It's a long-distance thing, so of course it's difficult to keep it going. It requires lots of phone calls and visits--maintenance time.
Then there's family. Family is important to me. Family is also hurt when they don't see too much of me.
Then there's the band. They're pretty much in the dark about how crazy my schedule is right now, because I haven't told them. I want to get as much as possible out of the band before I graduate, because I'll be moving shortly after and breaking the band up.
My advisor has told me not to go out of town or have anybody (i.e. girlfriend) visit me until I'm done with my Ph.D. On the one hand, fuck her, but on the other hand, she's totally right. I really can't put significant time into anything else until I'm done here. The problem is that none of the other people in my life (girlfriend, family, friends) really appreciates that. If I come right out and tell them, they're not going to be happy about it. I really need to be selfish with my time right now, but I don't know how to communicate that to them. Family isn't that big of a deal. They're not going anywhere. They'll just have to deal. The band's not going anywhere either. It doesn't really matter, since we're breaking up anyway.
I just don't know what to do with the girlfriend situation. She just called me, asking me to make up my mind on when I can see her in November. This is hard to answer. First of all, November seems like a long way away. Then I realize it's not all that far away and I get really freaked out. More importantly, I really want to tell her I can't see her in November, but I don't anticipate that she'll understand that. She's in med school and is under a lot of stress too. Her stress seems to make her need me for relief. The problem is the best thing for my stress is for me to see nobody so I can focus.
Fuck.
I'm being pulled in several different directions.
First of all there's school. I'm graduating in March, meaning I will defend my Ph.D. thesis in January or February, but there's a lot I need to get accomplished by then.
Then there's the girlfriend. It's a long-distance thing, so of course it's difficult to keep it going. It requires lots of phone calls and visits--maintenance time.
Then there's family. Family is important to me. Family is also hurt when they don't see too much of me.
Then there's the band. They're pretty much in the dark about how crazy my schedule is right now, because I haven't told them. I want to get as much as possible out of the band before I graduate, because I'll be moving shortly after and breaking the band up.
My advisor has told me not to go out of town or have anybody (i.e. girlfriend) visit me until I'm done with my Ph.D. On the one hand, fuck her, but on the other hand, she's totally right. I really can't put significant time into anything else until I'm done here. The problem is that none of the other people in my life (girlfriend, family, friends) really appreciates that. If I come right out and tell them, they're not going to be happy about it. I really need to be selfish with my time right now, but I don't know how to communicate that to them. Family isn't that big of a deal. They're not going anywhere. They'll just have to deal. The band's not going anywhere either. It doesn't really matter, since we're breaking up anyway.
I just don't know what to do with the girlfriend situation. She just called me, asking me to make up my mind on when I can see her in November. This is hard to answer. First of all, November seems like a long way away. Then I realize it's not all that far away and I get really freaked out. More importantly, I really want to tell her I can't see her in November, but I don't anticipate that she'll understand that. She's in med school and is under a lot of stress too. Her stress seems to make her need me for relief. The problem is the best thing for my stress is for me to see nobody so I can focus.
Fuck.
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
But here in CO, we have a horrible moth season in late summer.
That said, I had a bad experience once. I was an asst. manager at a salon in a mall, and I was taking the garbage out through the back hallway since there was a trash compactor outside the service door. It was a big, metal door, and I pulled it up about a foot. About 20 moths came flying out. I crouched down to get leverage to lift this heavy ass door the whole way up, and as it rolled up, damn near 200 moths came fluttering out. They were in my face, in my hair, up my skirt, latched on to my arms. I screamed and flailed, turning some of them to dust trying to get them off of me. I ran past the Hooters back door, and the cooks cried they laughed so hard. Then they offered me a joint.
It was not good times.