I'm going back to Canada for 19 days of my 23-day winter vacation.
Why, you may ponder, would I chose such a fucking popsicle of a country to visit? Am I homesick? Miss my family? Got a ho in a different area/country code?
Nope. When I flew into Taiwan this past summer, it was on a return ticket, since you have to have an outgoing ticket when you're just on a visitor visa. Unfortunately, I couldn't cancel the return part of my ticket, so instead of just losing the cash, I thought I'd pay a visit to my homeland.
I don't get to see my parents while I'm back, though, since they've decided to skip some of the cold and thaw out in Hawaii for a month. Nice timing on their part. I do, however, get to chill out (literally) for a week in their huge house on the side of a mountain in the Canadian Rockies. The view from the attic room is this: treeeeeeees mountain mountain mountain lake lake mountain mountain skyline. In a word, STELLAR! I think I'll be wearing every piece of clothing I own, plus whatever warm stuff I can raid from Dad's closet (he's closer to my size than Mom has been in years).
And then I'm flying to my hometown, Deadmonton, where the usual January temp is around -25C. That's FUCK OFF kind of cold. Scares the breath right out of you. I'm braving those insane elements for 2 small reasons: my godson (1 1/2 years old is still pretty small) and his soon-to-be-born sibling (extremely small). Oh yeah, and my godson's super hot redheaded mother, who also happens to be my ex. (Good thing her husband and I get along.) Should be a good few days there.
Finally, I'm flying into the heart of the Olympic Winter Games, Hongcouver. Keep your fingers crossed that I accidentally/on purpose run into a bizarrely hot female athlete who wants me to show her the sights. (Not that I know my way around, but I could fake it. Or else just take her to a hotel and show her my sights.
)
If I manage to survive this vacation without turning into a dykesicle, I'll write again. If not, just imagine that I went to my death being smothered by a team of hot athletes from X country.
Why, you may ponder, would I chose such a fucking popsicle of a country to visit? Am I homesick? Miss my family? Got a ho in a different area/country code?
Nope. When I flew into Taiwan this past summer, it was on a return ticket, since you have to have an outgoing ticket when you're just on a visitor visa. Unfortunately, I couldn't cancel the return part of my ticket, so instead of just losing the cash, I thought I'd pay a visit to my homeland.
I don't get to see my parents while I'm back, though, since they've decided to skip some of the cold and thaw out in Hawaii for a month. Nice timing on their part. I do, however, get to chill out (literally) for a week in their huge house on the side of a mountain in the Canadian Rockies. The view from the attic room is this: treeeeeeees mountain mountain mountain lake lake mountain mountain skyline. In a word, STELLAR! I think I'll be wearing every piece of clothing I own, plus whatever warm stuff I can raid from Dad's closet (he's closer to my size than Mom has been in years).
And then I'm flying to my hometown, Deadmonton, where the usual January temp is around -25C. That's FUCK OFF kind of cold. Scares the breath right out of you. I'm braving those insane elements for 2 small reasons: my godson (1 1/2 years old is still pretty small) and his soon-to-be-born sibling (extremely small). Oh yeah, and my godson's super hot redheaded mother, who also happens to be my ex. (Good thing her husband and I get along.) Should be a good few days there.
Finally, I'm flying into the heart of the Olympic Winter Games, Hongcouver. Keep your fingers crossed that I accidentally/on purpose run into a bizarrely hot female athlete who wants me to show her the sights. (Not that I know my way around, but I could fake it. Or else just take her to a hotel and show her my sights.
)If I manage to survive this vacation without turning into a dykesicle, I'll write again. If not, just imagine that I went to my death being smothered by a team of hot athletes from X country.