rheda

Ok so this is my first blog post.

Im not sure what you're meant to write in these things but I've been going through a pretty tough time recently and feel like i need to talk to someone about it so I'll write about it on here.

In November I met this guy online, he was gorgeous, and seemed like everything I could ever ask for from a guy. We got on incredibly well and was extatic when I found out he liked me.

It was very long distance, he was up in Aberdeen while Im currently living in Canterbury, so we knew it would be difficult but he reassured me that the distance didnt matter and that we could make things work. We spoke on the phone every night and would text each other all day every day and everything seemed perfect.

At the beginning of December I went to stay with him for a long weekend. It was perfect. He was so much more gorgeous in person and so sweet and I had the most amazing time. Saying goodbye to him at the end was so difficult, but he said that in a months time he would come and visit me so that gave me something to look forward to and we carried on being happy together texting and calling eachother all the time.

We never argued once and I trusted him completely, I thought that I had finally found someone that was perfect for me. Im normally really picky with guys and hadnt dated anyone for a year before this.

Then on Christmas day he asked me to call him and he thanked me for his present I sent and said that I'd get mine when he came to visit. He texted me later that day and asked if i was ok and I replied but got no response. I though nothing of it as I guessed he was probably busy. Then on boxing day I text him again and still no response. Boxing day night came and I was feeling paranoid as we normally texted eachother all day every day, so I sent another text saying 'Have you gone off me or something?'. I regretted sending it straight away, Im never normally a paranoid person and it was a stupid thing to say.

He then dumped me that day, he texted me saying that things didnt feel right and that he wasnt going to come and visit me like he said he would. Apparently he still loved me but for some reason couldnt be with me. I was beyond distraught. It was a horrible night, I was round a family members to do the whole exchanging christmas presents thing and I had to keep going to the bathroom every half hour or so crying my eyes out.

I couldnt believe that this guy who I thought was amazing in every way and had always said the same about me was no longer part of my life. All I wanted to do was speak to him and find out why he felt this way but I never got an answer. I tried calling him several times after that but got no answer.

Was a conversation really too much to ask, the last time I heard his voice was on Christmas day when everything seemed fine and was still what I thought was perfect.

Since then we've still been talking to eachother via text and msn, sometimes I would initiate the conversation and sometimes it was him. He's explained to me that he does still love me and think the world of me but just needs some time alone. Its difficult to accept that when you dont know why he needs time alone but I bit my tongue and said I'd wait for however long he needs.

I havent stopped thinking about him and today I was speaking to one of my friends about everything and how much I still love him. Like we had been texting earlier today as friends and I thought things were going well so I was telling my friend about that. I had deleted the pictures off of my computer which I had of him a while ago so to show my friend a picture of what he looks like I went on bebo because he had mentioned before that he had an account on there.

It felt kind of wrong searching for him on there as Im not normally the kind of person to check up on my partners and thats kind of what it felt like I was doing. Anyway he came straight up in the first couple of people on the search, I clicked on his profile and OH MY GOD.

Turns out he has another girlfriend.

I mean I know we split up but for you to keep saying to some one 'I love you, wait for me, I just need a bit of time' kind of suggests that you wouldn't be going off with other people let alone starting whole new relationships.

I thought that maybe Id got the wrong idea and he didnt want anything to do with me so I text him again saying 'Do you mind me texting you or do you want me to move on and try to get over you'

to which he replied
'no why do you want to?' (btw these textx may not be word for word, I cba to look them all up on my phone as im writing this, but you get the idea)

I explained that I didnt want to move on but didnt mention what I saw.

I dont know what to do

I'd do anything to have him back but I dont know what to do about his profile saying he's with someone else and that he loves her.

I don't know what to say to him because he's going to think that I was going on there to check up on him

I need some advice, I mean do I just not talk to him again and try to forget about him?
But that would mean loosing the only guy I have ever thought I could be with on a permanent basis. I know we were only together for a few months but we grew so close within that time.
There was never one disagreement, confrontation, arguement, nothing, it was perfect.

Do I carry on as I have been? But then what if he is just stringing me along, dating another girl and having me as a back up.

Or do I talk to him about what I saw? But then what the hell will he think of me knowing that I've searched for him on networking sites that I dont even use.

Please help me