hello, earthlings 
it is night-time and though i still do not have internet set up in my apartment i am typing up a bit of a blog for you, which you will receive with the rising sun.
thanks to a kind human i have acquired a couch and am lounging on it naked and comfortably. i did not truly appreciate the glory of a couch until i did not have one for a month. also, i have alas replaced the curtains of the dead with some cheerful black ones (as morticia addams would say). boris is playing. my skeleton rests on the mantle and coffee on the coffee table (how appropriate, isn't it?) even though it is dark and i will regret it when i am lying still awake as the sun begins to rise.
moving was not just a move for me but unexpectedly marked an onslaught of change in my life. change in ways that are monumental to me but barely noticeable to anyone on the outside. i have rediscovered an independence i lost without even noticing and have begun to embrace once again those tiny things in life that make me happy even if no one else understands.
a few blogs ago in poetic passing i questioned if it would be as easy to erase my old home as it was with all of the othersnot that i was trying to, it has just seemed to be how it goes.
well,
it was not as easy
but it was easier than i thought it would be
for i honestly did not think it would happen at all
it was not that life was bad there, it was very good in many respects. i shared countless late nights with amazing people but i sort of succumbed to the joys of those i was surrounded by rather than my own joys
i am sorry for these elusive comments of which i am famous for never elaborating on but a sweet girl once told me that her mother often advised her 'the less said, the better'
i never forgot it. nothing has ever made more sense, for the opinions and thoughts of others do get mixed up in one's own mind far more easily than you might think. you don't even notice!
what i will share with you is that after five years of submitting sets , i will no longer be an active participant in shooting for the site.
my oldest member review sets by nodawn did extremely well at their time. they were among the highest commented on and rated in member review. they were not bought.
i then shot with cherry and my set had more comments and was more loved than almost any other set submitted around the same time.
it was not bought.
the last two that i have submitted did not do so well in member review and for reasons which i understand.
sea hag was a very special set for me. it evoked a feeling which was exactly what i had desired going into it. i got to meet liz, who is an amazing lady both personally and artistically. burning witch is one of my favorite bands of all time and has deeply impacted my life. i am a metalhead. i live for metal. i constantly search for that which is darker, heavier. burning witch is the ultimate in doom to me. the lighting in the set was slightly overcast. i felt completely in my element. i wanted to portray the feeling that i get when i listen to their album, crippled lucifer, which is that of pure satisfaction that only a metalhead and lover of doom can understand. it turned out exactly as i wanted. it was not bright and it was not cheery. it was a bit fuzzy, not quite in focus all of the time. there were no frills. the ocean was vast and merciless, like the music that i love.
i had dedicated my life to metal, and ever since i had discovered this music for myself, i had been incessantly drawn toward ever heavier bands. i first heard black sabbath's monumentally dark vol. 4 album on a cassette secretly borrowed from my best friend's sister in 1976. i was thirteen, and although i had listened to some heavy rock before, vol.4 profoundly changed my perception of what such music was able to convey.
my subsequent fascination with increasingly darker and heavier music could probably be best described as an addiction
-tom gabriel fischer
i have been a member of suicide girls for a very long time and i am well aware of what it has become and in that regard i knew in my heart that this set would not be bought for almost the same reasons that i liked it, technical proficiency, and it is completely understandable. i will never remove it because i know that those who understand me musically will appreciate it and that is all that i can ask for, as i have not been lucky enough to meet many people in life to share this passion with.
someone once tagged my sets with "no natural beauty" which i was not personally bothered by but made me sick considering the amount of photoshopping done on the sets that do well these days whereas mine hardly have any.
i remember the olden days. raw, truly alternative sets for the time. not overly photoshopped or photoshopped at all. all conveying personality. blogging actually mattered. personality and being punk or goth or metal or at least not complaining about boys and being fat and asking members for gifts and money openly in your blog mattered. i am sickened by some of the posts that i see on here by the girls.
while it is not totally what it used to be i understand the need for change. i understand the need for money in order to carry on and the difficulty in successfully remaining underground while still putting food on your plate and i honestly don't care what staff has to do in order to keep the site thriving. it has become a truly integral part of my life over the past seven years. i met my best friend on suicide girls as well as countless others. in times of serious personal depression a few years back my relations with members on the site got me through them. i try not to refer to friends "in real life" and "online friends" because when it comes to suicide girls, this IS real life. this is one of the only places i can come to relate to others about and expand my knowledge of music, horror films, porn, sex, gore, whiskey, craft beer, enormous cheeseburgers and just fucking life in general.i feel if i were to die today and could somehow invite people from the site to my funeral there would be more of them there than "real life" people, as they say. i am an introvert and i have taste which i have not been lucky until recently to find hardly anyone in my town to share with.
this site has changed my life. this site has BEEN my life at times. i sincerely love many people on here with all of my heart. and that is not an exaggeration.
i truly want to thank missy and sean for creating suicide girls because it means many different things to many different people but what it has meant to me i would not trade for anything in this world. i am a quiet person and i don't generally like to be in big crowds if i'm expected to freely socialize. i do not participate in a lot of conventions and activities with many girls because i'm just not comfortable in this environment and i prefer my conversations to be at least somewhat meaningful and relative to personal interest or to just not be conversations at all. get me alone in a dark, smoky bar and i will talk to you all night about anything you want if we're feeling the same vibe. part of me wishes i had been born about ten years earlier so that 1. i could have seen bands that i love that have since disbanded and 2. so i could have hung out suicide girls style back in the day before it became quite so massive, cliquey, mainstream.
but really, what is mainstream these days?
i will take that back because honestly once you accept the fact that NO ONE is original anymore you will be a lot happier. but, i'm sure some of you old-schoolers round' here know what i meant anyhow.
well,
that is that.
savory has now come and gone.
i shot one last set but have not heard from the photographer who i just realized is no longer active on the sight and therefore i assume it is gone with the wind. i just wanted to let you know that i am calling it quits in that regard. i will still occasionally submit to zivity and i will leave my sets on here for your viewing pleasure. though i never received payment for any of them the love and friendship that i have received over the years is invaluable. i wouldn't trade it for anything.
thanks to everyone that has enjoyed my photos over the years. i have always read and smiled upon every comment even if i never responded. it has meant even more to me that people have followed my blog for so long and have found even the remotest relation and solace in my words and views on life and in return, shared theirs with me, because in a world of eight billion people it is a true blessing to find like-minded souls (as i have said before i hate using the word "blessing" because it sounds jesus-y but it is still the appropriate term, i suppose).
i am not leaving,
i could never bring myself to do such a thing
and i will of course remain active
but consider this my indefinite retirement from photo set submissions.
clearly, i am not what this site is looking for.
----
in other news, the new evil dead is shockingly amazing
best recent horror movie in my opinion since rob zombie's releases and cannot wait for his new film as well
the other night i saw ORANGE GOBLIN
and.IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
and then some of my original compadres from this site and some of the coolest humans ever at that came to pittsburgh to visit. nodawn and yayadawn . first visitors in my new place. we drank delicious whiskey and shot some crazy skeleton smut for probably zivity and just plain fun
\m/
with may will come soundgarden, ghost, maryland deathfest (SLEEP! BOLT THROWER!) and the fuckin' melvins!!!!!!
i have been seriously considering a road trip down to louisiana to see eyehategod again
i am not sure if funds and time will allow but seriously,
any takers?
either way, life is good.
i am off to read ' a confederacy of dunces' recommended and gifted to me by a kind soul and to enjoy the rest of a solitary evening, much needed.
in the morning before work i will scamper off to a coffee shop and deliver this message to you beautiful people before i go sling burgers and shakes to the masses in order to bring home my bacon.
i really do not have anything else to say right now.
i will have the internet soon and look forward to seeing your shining faces more often.
i love you all,
thanks for tuning in to my station.
<3 Rexx
it is night-time and though i still do not have internet set up in my apartment i am typing up a bit of a blog for you, which you will receive with the rising sun.
thanks to a kind human i have acquired a couch and am lounging on it naked and comfortably. i did not truly appreciate the glory of a couch until i did not have one for a month. also, i have alas replaced the curtains of the dead with some cheerful black ones (as morticia addams would say). boris is playing. my skeleton rests on the mantle and coffee on the coffee table (how appropriate, isn't it?) even though it is dark and i will regret it when i am lying still awake as the sun begins to rise.
moving was not just a move for me but unexpectedly marked an onslaught of change in my life. change in ways that are monumental to me but barely noticeable to anyone on the outside. i have rediscovered an independence i lost without even noticing and have begun to embrace once again those tiny things in life that make me happy even if no one else understands.
a few blogs ago in poetic passing i questioned if it would be as easy to erase my old home as it was with all of the othersnot that i was trying to, it has just seemed to be how it goes.
well,
it was not as easy
but it was easier than i thought it would be
for i honestly did not think it would happen at all
it was not that life was bad there, it was very good in many respects. i shared countless late nights with amazing people but i sort of succumbed to the joys of those i was surrounded by rather than my own joys
i am sorry for these elusive comments of which i am famous for never elaborating on but a sweet girl once told me that her mother often advised her 'the less said, the better'
i never forgot it. nothing has ever made more sense, for the opinions and thoughts of others do get mixed up in one's own mind far more easily than you might think. you don't even notice!
what i will share with you is that after five years of submitting sets , i will no longer be an active participant in shooting for the site.
my oldest member review sets by nodawn did extremely well at their time. they were among the highest commented on and rated in member review. they were not bought.
i then shot with cherry and my set had more comments and was more loved than almost any other set submitted around the same time.
it was not bought.
the last two that i have submitted did not do so well in member review and for reasons which i understand.
sea hag was a very special set for me. it evoked a feeling which was exactly what i had desired going into it. i got to meet liz, who is an amazing lady both personally and artistically. burning witch is one of my favorite bands of all time and has deeply impacted my life. i am a metalhead. i live for metal. i constantly search for that which is darker, heavier. burning witch is the ultimate in doom to me. the lighting in the set was slightly overcast. i felt completely in my element. i wanted to portray the feeling that i get when i listen to their album, crippled lucifer, which is that of pure satisfaction that only a metalhead and lover of doom can understand. it turned out exactly as i wanted. it was not bright and it was not cheery. it was a bit fuzzy, not quite in focus all of the time. there were no frills. the ocean was vast and merciless, like the music that i love.
i had dedicated my life to metal, and ever since i had discovered this music for myself, i had been incessantly drawn toward ever heavier bands. i first heard black sabbath's monumentally dark vol. 4 album on a cassette secretly borrowed from my best friend's sister in 1976. i was thirteen, and although i had listened to some heavy rock before, vol.4 profoundly changed my perception of what such music was able to convey.
my subsequent fascination with increasingly darker and heavier music could probably be best described as an addiction
-tom gabriel fischer
i have been a member of suicide girls for a very long time and i am well aware of what it has become and in that regard i knew in my heart that this set would not be bought for almost the same reasons that i liked it, technical proficiency, and it is completely understandable. i will never remove it because i know that those who understand me musically will appreciate it and that is all that i can ask for, as i have not been lucky enough to meet many people in life to share this passion with.
someone once tagged my sets with "no natural beauty" which i was not personally bothered by but made me sick considering the amount of photoshopping done on the sets that do well these days whereas mine hardly have any.
i remember the olden days. raw, truly alternative sets for the time. not overly photoshopped or photoshopped at all. all conveying personality. blogging actually mattered. personality and being punk or goth or metal or at least not complaining about boys and being fat and asking members for gifts and money openly in your blog mattered. i am sickened by some of the posts that i see on here by the girls.
while it is not totally what it used to be i understand the need for change. i understand the need for money in order to carry on and the difficulty in successfully remaining underground while still putting food on your plate and i honestly don't care what staff has to do in order to keep the site thriving. it has become a truly integral part of my life over the past seven years. i met my best friend on suicide girls as well as countless others. in times of serious personal depression a few years back my relations with members on the site got me through them. i try not to refer to friends "in real life" and "online friends" because when it comes to suicide girls, this IS real life. this is one of the only places i can come to relate to others about and expand my knowledge of music, horror films, porn, sex, gore, whiskey, craft beer, enormous cheeseburgers and just fucking life in general.i feel if i were to die today and could somehow invite people from the site to my funeral there would be more of them there than "real life" people, as they say. i am an introvert and i have taste which i have not been lucky until recently to find hardly anyone in my town to share with.
this site has changed my life. this site has BEEN my life at times. i sincerely love many people on here with all of my heart. and that is not an exaggeration.
i truly want to thank missy and sean for creating suicide girls because it means many different things to many different people but what it has meant to me i would not trade for anything in this world. i am a quiet person and i don't generally like to be in big crowds if i'm expected to freely socialize. i do not participate in a lot of conventions and activities with many girls because i'm just not comfortable in this environment and i prefer my conversations to be at least somewhat meaningful and relative to personal interest or to just not be conversations at all. get me alone in a dark, smoky bar and i will talk to you all night about anything you want if we're feeling the same vibe. part of me wishes i had been born about ten years earlier so that 1. i could have seen bands that i love that have since disbanded and 2. so i could have hung out suicide girls style back in the day before it became quite so massive, cliquey, mainstream.
but really, what is mainstream these days?
i will take that back because honestly once you accept the fact that NO ONE is original anymore you will be a lot happier. but, i'm sure some of you old-schoolers round' here know what i meant anyhow.
well,
that is that.
savory has now come and gone.
i shot one last set but have not heard from the photographer who i just realized is no longer active on the sight and therefore i assume it is gone with the wind. i just wanted to let you know that i am calling it quits in that regard. i will still occasionally submit to zivity and i will leave my sets on here for your viewing pleasure. though i never received payment for any of them the love and friendship that i have received over the years is invaluable. i wouldn't trade it for anything.
thanks to everyone that has enjoyed my photos over the years. i have always read and smiled upon every comment even if i never responded. it has meant even more to me that people have followed my blog for so long and have found even the remotest relation and solace in my words and views on life and in return, shared theirs with me, because in a world of eight billion people it is a true blessing to find like-minded souls (as i have said before i hate using the word "blessing" because it sounds jesus-y but it is still the appropriate term, i suppose).
i am not leaving,
i could never bring myself to do such a thing
and i will of course remain active
but consider this my indefinite retirement from photo set submissions.
clearly, i am not what this site is looking for.
----
in other news, the new evil dead is shockingly amazing
best recent horror movie in my opinion since rob zombie's releases and cannot wait for his new film as well
the other night i saw ORANGE GOBLIN
and.IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
and then some of my original compadres from this site and some of the coolest humans ever at that came to pittsburgh to visit. nodawn and yayadawn . first visitors in my new place. we drank delicious whiskey and shot some crazy skeleton smut for probably zivity and just plain fun
\m/
with may will come soundgarden, ghost, maryland deathfest (SLEEP! BOLT THROWER!) and the fuckin' melvins!!!!!!
i have been seriously considering a road trip down to louisiana to see eyehategod again
i am not sure if funds and time will allow but seriously,
any takers?
either way, life is good.
i am off to read ' a confederacy of dunces' recommended and gifted to me by a kind soul and to enjoy the rest of a solitary evening, much needed.
in the morning before work i will scamper off to a coffee shop and deliver this message to you beautiful people before i go sling burgers and shakes to the masses in order to bring home my bacon.
i really do not have anything else to say right now.
i will have the internet soon and look forward to seeing your shining faces more often.
i love you all,
thanks for tuning in to my station.
<3 Rexx
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
a tad jealous of Deathfest since this marks yet another passing year in which i'm unable to attend it... but alas... one of these days!
hope all else is well for you <3