rexx

i'm baaaaaaack.

after a refreshingly cold and thought provoking night as a hobo on the coast of maine, followed by a gloriously sweltering and reflective day on the beach in virginia, i got the strange comforting feeling that my journey (well, this segment, because i like to consider my entire life a journey from here on out) is complete.

its an understatement to say it was everything i had hoped it would be and a million times more! i feel that i grew so much as a person and gained alot of knowledge, alot of patience, alot of strength, and alot of understanding about life, and that doesn't even begin to embrace the tiniest speck of what it became to me. writing a blog about it will be practically impossible, its one of those things that you experience for yourself and whether or not anyone else fully understands is irrelevant, noone will ever see it just as you did no matter how fantastically they do see it. and it doesn't matter, anyway.

there is one blank page left in my journal. i think i'll leave it that way. a page for all the thoughts and memories i couldn't bring myself to sacrifice to the limitations of words.

i arrived back in richmond monday night and immediately dove to the sea of blankets and pillows in my bed (a luxury now) due to extreme exhaustion and various bodily pains derived from the physical effects on my entire body of spending the past two months indulging in hundreds of miles of nomadic wandering. i awoke and began editing photos and attempting to restore my ipod, which i sacrificed to the sea monday afternoon. around four my brother texted me to see if i wanted to go back to virginia beach in five minutes to see incubus on their greatest hits tour for free. i havn't listened to them in years, really, but they will always be pleasing to the ears, and they were. met some cool folks and welcomed myself back into the world.

i am now indulging in a gigantic cup (soup bowl, actually) of coffee. later on i plan to spend the last ten dollars i have to my name on mexican food, as i planned to do this entire trip. (yes, i told myself in the beginning that no matter what, i wanted to be able to feast on don pepe's orgasmic enchiladas upon my return).

the boyfriend returns from tour next week! in a week or two i'm moving back to pittsburgh, at last, i'm going home. i've traveled the entire country and there is nowhere i'd rather be. its always been home to me, but this year and a half apart from it was what i needed to tear me down so that i could build myself back up to a point where alcohol was no longer ruling my life, and never will again.

since i woke up to smudged eyeliner, a blank memory, and a blistering hangover on january first of this year and decided to change my life, i havn't looked back. i will forever remain in awe of how euphoric life has been since (and always was and will be, if you just learn to really LIVE it).

while incubus was playing drive last night i had a strange return to the blurry vision beheld from the windshield of my car as i swerved out of control into a tree last july. then to the few seconds after the crash that seemed to linger for several minutes as smoke filled my car and distant yelling if i was alright or even alive began to register. in those seconds i sat unscathed, sadly numb, unsure if i was alive or dead in a heap of broken glass, twisted metal, and in the depths of the monstrosity of a habit that, looking back, i can't believe didn't kill me. after the three weeks of sobriety that was to follow, i was handed my first bottle and then continued to let the habit rage out of control for the next six months. on the first morning of 2009, after a vicious and depraved whiskey binge, i somehow woke up. in every sense of the word. if i had never learned to put the bottle down when the time was right, i never would be where i am today. gettin my kicks while controllin muh sips

and holy fuck, I LOVE BEING ALIVE!!!!!!!!

i'm going to go enjoy the rest of my coffee and my last cigarette. i suppose i'll spend the next week in richmond reading, relaxing, reflecting, eating food, smokin cigs, looking at boobs online, hanging the fuck out and saying goodbye to the few richmonders i hold dear. my bus pass is still good, so maybe i'll scamper off somewhere if the urge strikes, maybe not. then i'm going to gather up my worldly belongings (three suitcases) and go home for a year or so to spend at a chill job getting back on top of the financial wagon again, absolute steelers hometown insanity, friends, fun, shows, whatever the wind blows, and then who knows after that...i looked for america and i'm not planning to stop there.

mmm, zero dollars, and life couldn't feel more fulfilling.

i have nothing else to say but it feels oh so appropriate to cap this entry off with a little dead-diddy...



....lately it occurs to meeee, what a loooooong, strange trip its been...


here's about 100 photos out of the 800 or so i have lurking around. from jersey to philly to nyc to pittsburgh, to chicago to oregon to san fran to san diego to vegas to LA to san fran again to seattle to utah to dubois pa to richmond to indiana pa to philly again to boston to pittsburgh to maine to virginia beach.....enjoy and thanks if you take the time to look.

ciao baby.

<3 Rexxy