well i have completed court and jail and am now focusing on working towards demolishing all of this debt i've acquired since "the incident". thank you chesterfield county for sucking the biggest legal dick in the entire god damn universe. now that i've finally gone to court, survived my five days in the slam can, and finished probation, i can finally start putting all of this mess behind me and get on with my life. a couple thousand dollars and two and a half months of asap class and it will be nothing more than a figment of my imagination and a big fat piece of shit on my dmv record.
i can't say its been the greatest experience. or that i really understand why i had to suffer through all of this bullshit. it mainly was a huge waste of money. just giving it out and giving it out with nothing tangible to show for it except a card with my picture which is not a license to operate a motor vehicle, and a car that i can't drive with a nice little ignition interlock breathalyzer machine installed in it.
anyways. i feel like the only thing i gained from all of this was learning that i don't like living here. that drinking and driving is a bad idea. that i should probably give up on driving all together because since i got my license at age 16 i've only actually held a valid drivers license (and had a car to drive) for a little over a year. another gain: my experience in jail was overall a pretty positive one. it was like a big continuous sleepover without naked pillow fights. because 1. you aren't allowed to be naked. and 2. there are no pillows. i made the most of it, had some genuine conversations with alot of interesting women, read a good book, played scrabble, gathered jail smarts, walked in a circle for miles, and thought. alot.
i spent almost 24 hours locked in a holding cell by myself. T108. there is no window. no sound. no color. no sense of time. just alone with your thoughts, a slab of concrete, and four walls the most depressing shade of grayish brown you've ever seen. you can't really hide from yourself in this kind of situation.
as much as i hate to say it, i want to move again and i didn't even make it a year. i maybe even want to move back to pittsburgh for a little while. that city is like fucking crack. or maybe its just home? i loathe the cold winters. but i hate living here even more. well, i don't hate it. but living at home is a no go. not having independence makes me want to put myself in a lethal chokehold. especially after being on my own since high school. when i think about getting a place here, i just wonder why i would even bother wasting a brain wave on such a thought. i'm over you, virginia. it is final. but i had to come back and test the waters just to make sure. and if the shit that has happened since i moved here isn't a big enough sign for me to get the hell out, then i don't know what is. i did alot here as far as growing as a person and being who i want to be. i was definitly in a detrimental state of mental being when i left pittsburgh and i did need to get out of there and rediscover myself. it was kind of like i lost who i was and i kept looking and looking and i was nowhere to be found. apparently my soul ran away to virginia for a little while. but i moved back and i found it, found the self satisfaction i've been searching for since i lost it somewhere in the very beginning of 2007.
i'm a city girl drowning in a suburb world right now.
i miss people. places. and smells.
blah blah blah.
i want to fall asleep in the desert and wake up by the ocean.
i wrote a blog around this exact time last year about how i wanted to move to virginia.
...i think life enjoys playing ping pong with me.
"You just push a situation as far as it will go. You have to look at it logically. If there were no cops there, would anyone try to get onstage? Because what are they going to do when they get there? When they get onstage, they're very peaceful. They're not going to do anything. The only incentive to charge the stage is because there's a barrier. If there was no barrier, there'd be no incentive...." -Jim Morrison
true in concerts and in life.
i can't say its been the greatest experience. or that i really understand why i had to suffer through all of this bullshit. it mainly was a huge waste of money. just giving it out and giving it out with nothing tangible to show for it except a card with my picture which is not a license to operate a motor vehicle, and a car that i can't drive with a nice little ignition interlock breathalyzer machine installed in it.
anyways. i feel like the only thing i gained from all of this was learning that i don't like living here. that drinking and driving is a bad idea. that i should probably give up on driving all together because since i got my license at age 16 i've only actually held a valid drivers license (and had a car to drive) for a little over a year. another gain: my experience in jail was overall a pretty positive one. it was like a big continuous sleepover without naked pillow fights. because 1. you aren't allowed to be naked. and 2. there are no pillows. i made the most of it, had some genuine conversations with alot of interesting women, read a good book, played scrabble, gathered jail smarts, walked in a circle for miles, and thought. alot.
i spent almost 24 hours locked in a holding cell by myself. T108. there is no window. no sound. no color. no sense of time. just alone with your thoughts, a slab of concrete, and four walls the most depressing shade of grayish brown you've ever seen. you can't really hide from yourself in this kind of situation.
as much as i hate to say it, i want to move again and i didn't even make it a year. i maybe even want to move back to pittsburgh for a little while. that city is like fucking crack. or maybe its just home? i loathe the cold winters. but i hate living here even more. well, i don't hate it. but living at home is a no go. not having independence makes me want to put myself in a lethal chokehold. especially after being on my own since high school. when i think about getting a place here, i just wonder why i would even bother wasting a brain wave on such a thought. i'm over you, virginia. it is final. but i had to come back and test the waters just to make sure. and if the shit that has happened since i moved here isn't a big enough sign for me to get the hell out, then i don't know what is. i did alot here as far as growing as a person and being who i want to be. i was definitly in a detrimental state of mental being when i left pittsburgh and i did need to get out of there and rediscover myself. it was kind of like i lost who i was and i kept looking and looking and i was nowhere to be found. apparently my soul ran away to virginia for a little while. but i moved back and i found it, found the self satisfaction i've been searching for since i lost it somewhere in the very beginning of 2007.
i'm a city girl drowning in a suburb world right now.
i miss people. places. and smells.
blah blah blah.
i want to fall asleep in the desert and wake up by the ocean.
i wrote a blog around this exact time last year about how i wanted to move to virginia.
...i think life enjoys playing ping pong with me.
"You just push a situation as far as it will go. You have to look at it logically. If there were no cops there, would anyone try to get onstage? Because what are they going to do when they get there? When they get onstage, they're very peaceful. They're not going to do anything. The only incentive to charge the stage is because there's a barrier. If there was no barrier, there'd be no incentive...." -Jim Morrison
true in concerts and in life.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
and yes, those are my works. I'm glad you liked them
I was astounded to hear about your jailtime! but i'm glad it seems to have been a catalyst for some positive changes. i definitely know a lot about moving back and forth in search of oneself, and it always seems to be a surprise where you end up finding yourself.
and seriously, like I said on your set: you're going pink!