its 6:59 in the morning right now. today is my day off. well....because it is labor day and we are closed. thank god.
why am i awake you ask?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
i actually woke up at 5:30 and have been unable to fall back asleep. i suck ass at sleeping normally but the other day i overslept and called my probation line too late, so if i oversleep again (meaning i don't call and get my ass into the probation office by 8:30 a.m.) i get to take my happy ass to jail until my court date. no thanks!
so since that day i've basically been too paranoid to sleep. when i do fall asleep i just have an array of fucked up wierd dreams and then wake up sporadically throughout the night freaking out because i think my alarm broke and i've overslept when in reality, its like 6 in the morning.
this is going to be a long, long month.
i should really stop drinking, i don't know what my problem is. the first month of probation i was completely sober and then....errr....yeah. then after i messed up and have this next month still to go i was like ok, so i'm really not going to drink this month. and yet i have still had at least 3 beers every day since then. haha fuck. i suck. either this will work out ok or karma is going to bite me in the ass....like she hasn't already this entire summer.
thank god my only girl friend in this entire state finally got a new phone so i hung out with her last night. i thought i was going to freak out. she's seriously the only female in fucking virginia that knows how to have fun and not give a fuck. people around here are so friggin boring and uptight and its driving me nuts!!!!!!!!
she said she could get me a job at the restaurant she works at which is right down the road from my house. working at this fucking bbq place can lick my nuts. i don't really want to be a server because i have a bad attitude problem and don't deal well with keeping my mouth shut when it comes to customers but i'd much rather work with some cool people close by and not have to drive 30 minutes to fucking want to stab myself in the jugular and go home smelling like a god damn slaughterhouse.
anywho today is labor day. wooooooooo. going to lunch for my little sisters 13th birthday. as awkward as family hang outs are with my fam i'm looking forward to the free meal. haha. i feel like such a horrible big sister. i'm a drunk. i smoke. i come home in the mornings with smudgy makeup and sex hair as i sit there and eat my cheerios.......i have really got to get outta the rents house. my sister started crying the other day because she is so shy and is scared none of her friends will be in her classes this year and that the kids that make fun of her will be. this is very sad to me. i've always just been really outgoing and not give a fuckish and she is just this quiet awkard little girl with braces who hearts jesus and and is basically a child prodigy but is completely socially unskilled and it obvously bothers her. and i feel like as her big sister i should offer to hang out with her or kick these little 7th grade bitches asses but..i don't. i can't even make conversation with the child. it wasn't so bad when i didnt' live here but now i just feel bad. sigh. oh well.
direct quote from my sister from 2006 after she found pictures of me and brandon chugging beer and completely demolishing a hotel room:::: "i know heather is a bad person but....i just love her!"
i feel like i'm a bad role model in my parents eyes. but i live my life, i've experienced a lot more than most people my age, maybe i'm not following the social norm and graduating from college this year to have a white picket fence, 3 kids, and a perfect yet miserable life because "thats what you're supposed to do". but i think thats what makes me a good role model. i may have done and do some "bad things" but really i'm just a free spirit with a good heart who loves booze and spontaneous adventure. i have no regrets. and i love my life. minus you know....the whole probation and dui things. taking these whopping 2 classes is the best thing i've done in years in my parents eyes. why is college everything? jesus. most people i know who have graduated now work in fields completely unrelated to their major. we're all going to die so lets fucking live. its not like i'm some dumbass drop out living in a crackhouse. i graduated high school in the top 10 percent of my class. i'm an intelligent human being. i just apply myself in different ways and i feel that college is somewhat of a waste of time. right now i'm taking classes that interest me. that i WANT to learn about. and that is what education should be. not forcefed.
WOW i'm babbling.
anywho when i went to PA last month me and tony shot a set which is going up in member review october 10th at 11:29 a.m.! i don't know why it has to take so long but oh well. it is pretty ssssssssspicyyyyyy i must say so...look forward to seeing me nakie :-D
aw my kittie just jumped up on my bed. i'm glad someone else is awake.
i've basically given up on sleep until the end of this legal bullshit. so i'm going to go get some coffee and maybe go sit at the river and enjoy a cigarette. i don't enjoy enough scenery these days....
why am i awake you ask?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
i actually woke up at 5:30 and have been unable to fall back asleep. i suck ass at sleeping normally but the other day i overslept and called my probation line too late, so if i oversleep again (meaning i don't call and get my ass into the probation office by 8:30 a.m.) i get to take my happy ass to jail until my court date. no thanks!
so since that day i've basically been too paranoid to sleep. when i do fall asleep i just have an array of fucked up wierd dreams and then wake up sporadically throughout the night freaking out because i think my alarm broke and i've overslept when in reality, its like 6 in the morning.
this is going to be a long, long month.
i should really stop drinking, i don't know what my problem is. the first month of probation i was completely sober and then....errr....yeah. then after i messed up and have this next month still to go i was like ok, so i'm really not going to drink this month. and yet i have still had at least 3 beers every day since then. haha fuck. i suck. either this will work out ok or karma is going to bite me in the ass....like she hasn't already this entire summer.
thank god my only girl friend in this entire state finally got a new phone so i hung out with her last night. i thought i was going to freak out. she's seriously the only female in fucking virginia that knows how to have fun and not give a fuck. people around here are so friggin boring and uptight and its driving me nuts!!!!!!!!
she said she could get me a job at the restaurant she works at which is right down the road from my house. working at this fucking bbq place can lick my nuts. i don't really want to be a server because i have a bad attitude problem and don't deal well with keeping my mouth shut when it comes to customers but i'd much rather work with some cool people close by and not have to drive 30 minutes to fucking want to stab myself in the jugular and go home smelling like a god damn slaughterhouse.
anywho today is labor day. wooooooooo. going to lunch for my little sisters 13th birthday. as awkward as family hang outs are with my fam i'm looking forward to the free meal. haha. i feel like such a horrible big sister. i'm a drunk. i smoke. i come home in the mornings with smudgy makeup and sex hair as i sit there and eat my cheerios.......i have really got to get outta the rents house. my sister started crying the other day because she is so shy and is scared none of her friends will be in her classes this year and that the kids that make fun of her will be. this is very sad to me. i've always just been really outgoing and not give a fuckish and she is just this quiet awkard little girl with braces who hearts jesus and and is basically a child prodigy but is completely socially unskilled and it obvously bothers her. and i feel like as her big sister i should offer to hang out with her or kick these little 7th grade bitches asses but..i don't. i can't even make conversation with the child. it wasn't so bad when i didnt' live here but now i just feel bad. sigh. oh well.
direct quote from my sister from 2006 after she found pictures of me and brandon chugging beer and completely demolishing a hotel room:::: "i know heather is a bad person but....i just love her!"
i feel like i'm a bad role model in my parents eyes. but i live my life, i've experienced a lot more than most people my age, maybe i'm not following the social norm and graduating from college this year to have a white picket fence, 3 kids, and a perfect yet miserable life because "thats what you're supposed to do". but i think thats what makes me a good role model. i may have done and do some "bad things" but really i'm just a free spirit with a good heart who loves booze and spontaneous adventure. i have no regrets. and i love my life. minus you know....the whole probation and dui things. taking these whopping 2 classes is the best thing i've done in years in my parents eyes. why is college everything? jesus. most people i know who have graduated now work in fields completely unrelated to their major. we're all going to die so lets fucking live. its not like i'm some dumbass drop out living in a crackhouse. i graduated high school in the top 10 percent of my class. i'm an intelligent human being. i just apply myself in different ways and i feel that college is somewhat of a waste of time. right now i'm taking classes that interest me. that i WANT to learn about. and that is what education should be. not forcefed.
WOW i'm babbling.
anywho when i went to PA last month me and tony shot a set which is going up in member review october 10th at 11:29 a.m.! i don't know why it has to take so long but oh well. it is pretty ssssssssspicyyyyyy i must say so...look forward to seeing me nakie :-D
aw my kittie just jumped up on my bed. i'm glad someone else is awake.
i've basically given up on sleep until the end of this legal bullshit. so i'm going to go get some coffee and maybe go sit at the river and enjoy a cigarette. i don't enjoy enough scenery these days....
I'm excited to see your set up in member review!
Keep on avoiding the norm
- Fynx
take care
Nothing