hey guess whatie kiddos??? i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!! let me tell you about my night...
RECAP:
....of another crazy night in the life of heather.
it is 9 am on sunday, i have not been to bed.
went to visit potential future roommate at apartment downtown, drank a few, ventured to a cool bar down the road from the future apartment which had a fabulous tales from the crypt pinball machine, where we proceeded to become slightly intoxicated.
while engrossed in convo with the roomie my brother decides to order mass quantities of whiskey and beers (not to my knowledge)
leave to meet up at another bar for my friends birthday where my brother claims he knows how to get to.....
immediatly get pulled over by the cops because i am (sober and retarded) too dumb to put my headlights on thanks to daytime running lights and lack of driving for the past 3 years...
doing a pretty great job of dealing with the popo until the drunk brother (i still don't realize his point of intox) decides to start dropping the f-bomb to the cop asking why the fuck he is pulling over his little sister....
after about 10 minutes of shutting him the fuck up and convincing mr officer that i, sweet and innocent looking little heather stubbs, have not had a sip to drink that night, he lets us go...
about 20 minutes of me driving later...my brother admits that he is blackout drunk and really has no idea how to get to the bar we are aiming for.
we are the greatest family ever known.
luckily we are right next to chacha's where jay is. yay!..so we get out.....fucking mile long line to get in and almost last call....
jaywoodz saves the day! he is jesus! we get in pronto! i am finally able to get drunk! yes!
.......no.
proceed to the bar. order 4 beers. success..
beers empty ( 5 minutes later, yeah, i was thirsty) my brother claims to be grabbing the next round...
..we wait..
and wait...and wait some more...
he is gone.
i go to get the real next round because i am an alcoholic and cannot wait or fathom the fact that intoxication may not occur for me if i don't immediatly order way too many beers than i need.
3 beers in hand. turn around. MY BOSS is standing there, shocked to see me in a state of tweeked out obliteration.
drunk bumps into me.
I SPILL THREE BEERS ON MY BOSS AND ALL OF HER FRIENDS.
speechless and definitly not drunk to deal with this scenario, i flee the scene without even an apology, enter the patio with the remaining alcohol, to the striking view of my brothers feet flying over the patio courtesy of 2 or 3 bouncers............
what the fuck? i try to call after him but he is too fast and bleeding profusely from the foot. i am panicking. but my brother is a smart human being, and the situation is slightly hilarious. so,
i drink more.
last call.
i am calling my brother over and over. sam is calling my brother. bar empties. return to car. i continue to call brother while sam searches by foot all surrounding alleys for my brother. 45 minutes later sam returns. no brother. my phone is almost dead.
i drop sam off.
i am still not drunk to a point of satisfaction and driving on the interstate calling and texting everyone in my phone because i am so wired that i can't fathom going to bed. it is 3 am. no hope. i get to my parents house. change. get in bed....
alas, A TEXT!
I drive 30 minutes to midlothian where i hang with marco, watch the sun rise, i must be fucked up at this point, when alas, ANOTHER TEXT! THE MISSING BROTHER!
i must rescue.
it is not quite 6:30 a.m........my phone dies. i have my charger. just drive.
drive 30 minutes to downtown richmond, park at gas station to charge phone.
i am a dumbass (left the charger at my parents) fuck it! i am god! i can find invisible bleeding drunken man!
30 minutes later, rounding the bend.....bleeding boy in red polo waving hands, I HAVE FOUND HIM!
i have no idea how this happened......
it is now 7:30. we stumble into waffle house. i, a haggard mess, he, missing flip flop and bleeding beyond profusley at this point with no idea what has happened to him...
we explain we are related...waffle house loves us. we are heroes. we feast on waffles.
i am still awake, it is now 9:11 a.m....i work at one...i must not sleep...i am completely insane....
....i have no idea how i will face my boss 4 hours.
....thanks for listening.
(i actually wrote this at 9:11 am..it is now 10:37 p.m....i have yet to go to sleep.....)
its good to be back :-)
RECAP:
....of another crazy night in the life of heather.
it is 9 am on sunday, i have not been to bed.
went to visit potential future roommate at apartment downtown, drank a few, ventured to a cool bar down the road from the future apartment which had a fabulous tales from the crypt pinball machine, where we proceeded to become slightly intoxicated.
while engrossed in convo with the roomie my brother decides to order mass quantities of whiskey and beers (not to my knowledge)
leave to meet up at another bar for my friends birthday where my brother claims he knows how to get to.....
immediatly get pulled over by the cops because i am (sober and retarded) too dumb to put my headlights on thanks to daytime running lights and lack of driving for the past 3 years...
doing a pretty great job of dealing with the popo until the drunk brother (i still don't realize his point of intox) decides to start dropping the f-bomb to the cop asking why the fuck he is pulling over his little sister....
after about 10 minutes of shutting him the fuck up and convincing mr officer that i, sweet and innocent looking little heather stubbs, have not had a sip to drink that night, he lets us go...
about 20 minutes of me driving later...my brother admits that he is blackout drunk and really has no idea how to get to the bar we are aiming for.
we are the greatest family ever known.
luckily we are right next to chacha's where jay is. yay!..so we get out.....fucking mile long line to get in and almost last call....
jaywoodz saves the day! he is jesus! we get in pronto! i am finally able to get drunk! yes!
.......no.
proceed to the bar. order 4 beers. success..
beers empty ( 5 minutes later, yeah, i was thirsty) my brother claims to be grabbing the next round...
..we wait..
and wait...and wait some more...
he is gone.
i go to get the real next round because i am an alcoholic and cannot wait or fathom the fact that intoxication may not occur for me if i don't immediatly order way too many beers than i need.
3 beers in hand. turn around. MY BOSS is standing there, shocked to see me in a state of tweeked out obliteration.
drunk bumps into me.
I SPILL THREE BEERS ON MY BOSS AND ALL OF HER FRIENDS.
speechless and definitly not drunk to deal with this scenario, i flee the scene without even an apology, enter the patio with the remaining alcohol, to the striking view of my brothers feet flying over the patio courtesy of 2 or 3 bouncers............
what the fuck? i try to call after him but he is too fast and bleeding profusely from the foot. i am panicking. but my brother is a smart human being, and the situation is slightly hilarious. so,
i drink more.
last call.
i am calling my brother over and over. sam is calling my brother. bar empties. return to car. i continue to call brother while sam searches by foot all surrounding alleys for my brother. 45 minutes later sam returns. no brother. my phone is almost dead.
i drop sam off.
i am still not drunk to a point of satisfaction and driving on the interstate calling and texting everyone in my phone because i am so wired that i can't fathom going to bed. it is 3 am. no hope. i get to my parents house. change. get in bed....
alas, A TEXT!
I drive 30 minutes to midlothian where i hang with marco, watch the sun rise, i must be fucked up at this point, when alas, ANOTHER TEXT! THE MISSING BROTHER!
i must rescue.
it is not quite 6:30 a.m........my phone dies. i have my charger. just drive.
drive 30 minutes to downtown richmond, park at gas station to charge phone.
i am a dumbass (left the charger at my parents) fuck it! i am god! i can find invisible bleeding drunken man!
30 minutes later, rounding the bend.....bleeding boy in red polo waving hands, I HAVE FOUND HIM!
i have no idea how this happened......
it is now 7:30. we stumble into waffle house. i, a haggard mess, he, missing flip flop and bleeding beyond profusley at this point with no idea what has happened to him...
we explain we are related...waffle house loves us. we are heroes. we feast on waffles.
i am still awake, it is now 9:11 a.m....i work at one...i must not sleep...i am completely insane....
....i have no idea how i will face my boss 4 hours.
....thanks for listening.
(i actually wrote this at 9:11 am..it is now 10:37 p.m....i have yet to go to sleep.....)
its good to be back :-)