SHREK SMASH!
So, Ang Lee's HULK. Let's just go ahead and get it out of the way that the CGI title character looked cartoonish and silly. It's been said, it's a stated fact (or, if you prefer, a very strong opinion), and it won't be brought up again. Personally, I think if they slathered Dolph Lundgren in green paint and give him some tiny shorts to wear, everyone would have been much happier.
(Just a quick note to say that if you haven't seen the movie and you'd like to be surprised, go out and see it right now. Then come back and read the rest of this entry.)
I think the filmmaking itself was pretty good. Ang Lee did a lot of split screens, perhaps to convey the sense of a moving comic book. You had multiple angles of the same scene on the screen at the same time--say, Bruce Banner looks over his shoulder to look at Betty as a little box showing Betty looking at Bruce opens up in the bottom right hand corner of the picture. I thought it was perfectly lovely, and the fact that Ang Lee continues to be one of my favorite filmmakers saves HULK from slipping from my conscious memory altogether. Go, Ang, Go!
So while the film was technically very interesting (CGI aside, now shut my mouth), the plot was a mess. It started off very well and I was looking forward to a summer action movie that wasn't supposed to have very much action. That was true enough, but the progression of the story was often groundless and served no better purpose than to put the stars of the film in the same room at the same time. Why Banner's father (and I could actually hear the nerds having orgasms in the theatre when his father's name turned out to be David Banner) was brought before a shackled Bruce Banner near the end of the movie, I do not know. Apparantly the general (played by Sam Elliott, whose moustache was simply mesmerizing. No, even more than usual.), who was stripped of control over the Hulk project earlier in the movie and wasn't prone to acts of sympathy anyway, found it in his heart to a) become the Head White Guy In Charge once again, and b) do the man (that's David Banner) he despised and distrusted most in the world a favor. That's all conjecture of course, as it apparantly happened offscreen.
Anyway, let's get to the point: Nick Nolte. I theorize that he simply wandered on set one day in a drug-induced violent rage, and since he wouldn't leave they put him in the picture. Remember that mugshot of Nick from a few months ago? Well, go check it out in my pictures if you don't. That's basically what he looks like throughout the film, plus a beard. Simply amazing. He delivers a standard "why didn't you just save a few thousand dollars and hire Gary Busey?" Nick Nolte kind of performance, but at the end, and this is my favorite part, he somehow turns into God. There's a scene earlier where he can, by injecting himself with something Hulk-related, merge his boot with a steel grating on the floor (in order to take security guards unaware, you see) and that somehow leads to Nick Nolte becoming lightning. No wait, he's a mountain! Ooh, even better: Lake Nolte. This results in Hulk Vs. Electricity, Hulk Vs. Earth, and Hulk Vs. Water, naturally.
The final scene of the film takes place in the jungle with an on-the-run and presumed dead Bruce Banner (with a beard, remember that part) about to become really, really angry. My question is: if he turns into the Hulk at this point, with the Hulk also have a big old beard? Jesus, I hope so. That would make the sequel worth seeing.
In conclusion: Jennifer Connelly is good, if alarmingly thin. Eric Bana does a decent job, though I'd much rather see Guy Pearce. But only because Guy Pearce is really fucking cool.
Total score: EAT MY FUCK.
So, Ang Lee's HULK. Let's just go ahead and get it out of the way that the CGI title character looked cartoonish and silly. It's been said, it's a stated fact (or, if you prefer, a very strong opinion), and it won't be brought up again. Personally, I think if they slathered Dolph Lundgren in green paint and give him some tiny shorts to wear, everyone would have been much happier.
(Just a quick note to say that if you haven't seen the movie and you'd like to be surprised, go out and see it right now. Then come back and read the rest of this entry.)
I think the filmmaking itself was pretty good. Ang Lee did a lot of split screens, perhaps to convey the sense of a moving comic book. You had multiple angles of the same scene on the screen at the same time--say, Bruce Banner looks over his shoulder to look at Betty as a little box showing Betty looking at Bruce opens up in the bottom right hand corner of the picture. I thought it was perfectly lovely, and the fact that Ang Lee continues to be one of my favorite filmmakers saves HULK from slipping from my conscious memory altogether. Go, Ang, Go!
So while the film was technically very interesting (CGI aside, now shut my mouth), the plot was a mess. It started off very well and I was looking forward to a summer action movie that wasn't supposed to have very much action. That was true enough, but the progression of the story was often groundless and served no better purpose than to put the stars of the film in the same room at the same time. Why Banner's father (and I could actually hear the nerds having orgasms in the theatre when his father's name turned out to be David Banner) was brought before a shackled Bruce Banner near the end of the movie, I do not know. Apparantly the general (played by Sam Elliott, whose moustache was simply mesmerizing. No, even more than usual.), who was stripped of control over the Hulk project earlier in the movie and wasn't prone to acts of sympathy anyway, found it in his heart to a) become the Head White Guy In Charge once again, and b) do the man (that's David Banner) he despised and distrusted most in the world a favor. That's all conjecture of course, as it apparantly happened offscreen.
Anyway, let's get to the point: Nick Nolte. I theorize that he simply wandered on set one day in a drug-induced violent rage, and since he wouldn't leave they put him in the picture. Remember that mugshot of Nick from a few months ago? Well, go check it out in my pictures if you don't. That's basically what he looks like throughout the film, plus a beard. Simply amazing. He delivers a standard "why didn't you just save a few thousand dollars and hire Gary Busey?" Nick Nolte kind of performance, but at the end, and this is my favorite part, he somehow turns into God. There's a scene earlier where he can, by injecting himself with something Hulk-related, merge his boot with a steel grating on the floor (in order to take security guards unaware, you see) and that somehow leads to Nick Nolte becoming lightning. No wait, he's a mountain! Ooh, even better: Lake Nolte. This results in Hulk Vs. Electricity, Hulk Vs. Earth, and Hulk Vs. Water, naturally.
The final scene of the film takes place in the jungle with an on-the-run and presumed dead Bruce Banner (with a beard, remember that part) about to become really, really angry. My question is: if he turns into the Hulk at this point, with the Hulk also have a big old beard? Jesus, I hope so. That would make the sequel worth seeing.
In conclusion: Jennifer Connelly is good, if alarmingly thin. Eric Bana does a decent job, though I'd much rather see Guy Pearce. But only because Guy Pearce is really fucking cool.
Total score: EAT MY FUCK.
but i had to say
i saw dolph lundgren at a bar last time i was in LA
i don't want to see him painted green or any color and wearing small shorts