conflicting emotions are killing me right now. on one hand i'm feeling pretty fucking whorish right now. on the other i'm fucking miserable about life. there's a part of me that feels completely and utterly overwhelmed right now. being without river is taking it's toll every day. i know it's better but it is fucking killing me. i have finals starting next week. 4 in 2 days. and then comps. year end comprehensive exams that test me on everything i have learned this year. little bit frightened. river's birthday is a week from today.... christmas is coming.... new year's is coming... 3 days, 3 important days that he will spend with someone else. someone who is not me. ugghghhhhhh i need to get out of my head. someone keep me entertained and steal me away for a weekend. i'm dying.
i dig tattooed. i know it's wrong and i need to let it be but i can't. i have a thing for the unattainable i guess. though technically i attained him HAHAHAHA. i really enjoy making out with someone and getting to know someone that intimately and i totally thought i wouldn't. it was weird and not like any other experience i've had before. and the lights were on. which was really scary for the girl that does not like herself naked... but it's what he wanted. and my transparent white flesh didn't seem to deter him. or the extra pounds i think i carry around. is this a good thing? a question to my male friends... was he too lazy to get up and turn off the lights? is this maybe just his kink? or did he really just want to see me naked LOL like he said he did? sometimes guys are just that fucking simple... right? RIGHT?
whatever... i'm miserable. it's like i'm taking steps backward. or maybe i was just trying to fool myself that i was better than i am. i need this month to fucking be over. i need this year to be over. if i can make it through the next 29 days i think i'll be okay. cus right now it's a struggle.
not really a rant... but definitely a lot of bullshit in my head. went to see goo goo dolls last night. it was amazing. johnny rzeznik asked if my snake bites hurt then he told me that if i had a few more i could hang a shower curtain from my lip. he made up for it by putting his arm around me and digging his hip into mine. he's pretty. i wanted to say something dirty but i refrained and just laughed LOL
enjoy some random pictures..
.
send me love cus i'm needy. and if anyone happens to know anthony ranieri and would like to hook a sister up let me know! or a "random" run-in.... that could be nice too. and i'm done now.
xoxoxox
harley
i dig tattooed. i know it's wrong and i need to let it be but i can't. i have a thing for the unattainable i guess. though technically i attained him HAHAHAHA. i really enjoy making out with someone and getting to know someone that intimately and i totally thought i wouldn't. it was weird and not like any other experience i've had before. and the lights were on. which was really scary for the girl that does not like herself naked... but it's what he wanted. and my transparent white flesh didn't seem to deter him. or the extra pounds i think i carry around. is this a good thing? a question to my male friends... was he too lazy to get up and turn off the lights? is this maybe just his kink? or did he really just want to see me naked LOL like he said he did? sometimes guys are just that fucking simple... right? RIGHT?
whatever... i'm miserable. it's like i'm taking steps backward. or maybe i was just trying to fool myself that i was better than i am. i need this month to fucking be over. i need this year to be over. if i can make it through the next 29 days i think i'll be okay. cus right now it's a struggle.
not really a rant... but definitely a lot of bullshit in my head. went to see goo goo dolls last night. it was amazing. johnny rzeznik asked if my snake bites hurt then he told me that if i had a few more i could hang a shower curtain from my lip. he made up for it by putting his arm around me and digging his hip into mine. he's pretty. i wanted to say something dirty but i refrained and just laughed LOL
enjoy some random pictures..
.
send me love cus i'm needy. and if anyone happens to know anthony ranieri and would like to hook a sister up let me know! or a "random" run-in.... that could be nice too. and i'm done now.
xoxoxox
harley
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
only1doc:
You keep talking about those extras few pounds like they define who you are. He wanted the lights on so he could see you for what you are, A beautiful woman who wanted him as much as he wanted you. Of course the only way you can be sure is to do it again. Yes you are gorgeous, no I will not quit saying that. Society has filled everybody's heads with the idea that you have to be almost skin and bones to be beautiful. That's bullshit. Good luck with finals. Hope you get everything sorted out and start smiling more. Lots of love darlin.
only1doc:
They may not define who you are but you are letting them affect the way you see yourself. Anyone would be lucky to be with you, a few extra pounds or not. Being comfortable with yourself is not about how you look its about knowing you are not perfect but are working towards that goal. Me I would snatch you up for a night on the town in a heartbeat if I was close enough. Being beautiful isn't all about looks. It's about being who you are no matter what else happens (bad years or extra weight). You continue to go on no matter what happens. That is part of what makes you beautiful. Of course the fact that you have a great body (what I have seen here anyways) helps. Keep smilin darlin, it will get better for you.