It's bad. I'm bad. Very bad place. 36.5 hours since I have slept. Bayside and Senses Fail on Thursday night. I may need to get in the middle of that and let go of some emotion. I still have a ticket to that show if anyone wants it. Otherwise I'm just giving it away. I'm pretty good at going to shows solo.
Anyways... this song knocked me off my feet last night. And now it's kind of cathartic and painful and i love it.
All I waited for
Was a chance to make you understand
And tell you these forgotten truths you never thought were real
And if the world should turn its back, you know that I'm still here
Time won't ever steal my soul
We're not broken, so please come home
Morning comes, and life moves on
And when it changed, you didn't know you belong
And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep
And scroll these words upon your wall remind you to believe
Time won't ever steal my soul
We're not broken, so please come home
And if the world has worn you down
I'll be waiting, so please come home
I won't let them break you down
And I won't hear the empty sounds
I'm hopelessly pretending that I know the answer
Angel's light and neon fires that burn so cold through your desires
And all you are is all I need to know
When the world is insane
You get used to the pain
And you don't even know what you feel
And I am like you, all alone and confused
But you know it's not forever
Time won't ever steal my soul
And we're not broken, so please come home
And if the world has worn you down
I'll be waiting, so please come home
I woke up 37 hours ago. I have not slept since. I have lost 8 pounds in 5 days. (maybe that's a silver lining, even if it's not healthy). I really really fucking hate life right now. Waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in. Trying to figure out how to fit in a therapy session, an abdominal massage for the endo and an acupuncture treatment this week is getting to be overwhelming. I had my BaZi Chinese chart done... guess who's in a black hole right now in her chart? Guess who will have a few more coming up? Guess who can look forward to 31 cus that's when it gets better? Yeah me. Fantastic. Alright. I'm done for now.
Also, I dig getting massages...especially since I screwed my back up but I have yet to try the accupunture. That's my next thing, when I get around to it. I just got my first laptop and this is kind of hard to type on...as a totaly unwarrented sidenote, by the way. Take a walk on the sunnyside of the street.........
Inbox? And yeah, it is hard at times to see that even when your "spirit"shuts down you can keep on going. Like a sad and empty energizer bunny. I know that i am horrible at dealing with things stress or pain related and nothing has proven that statement more so that this last year. The only thing I've not been able to do in my robotic state is be creative. It's almost like that part of my brain just shut down. I guess that means I'm too easily affected. I don't know. Good? Bad? I have no idea...I guess we just keep truckin'on unitl we hit that good patch again, then pick up speed and fly towards the next breakdown. I always try to take some pics here and there....but some of us just aren't as....photogenic ( I'll go with that..) as others. This keyboard is weird.