The Boyfriend Application was a joke people. A JOKE. Learn to take one.
Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's because I will soon be living alone, maybe it was delirium thinking it would be okay. But I am not okay. Monetarily - financial security for the moment - for the first time in my life that is not a worry. But everything else... or more like just me... not okay.
I cannot shut off emotions when I have them. I cannot sit there like stone while someone else hurts. And right now what is going on in my house reminds me of my ex. He did the same shit all the time. And that guy was a douchebag. DOUCHEBAG. And the more I sit in this house the more depressed I get. I guess once he has moved out I will feel better. My heart hurts. My heart has hurt since March 15 in ways it was never meant to hurt and now it's just more hurt. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Three more months until 2010 is over. I'm too busy to kill myself hahahaha (that's really not funny given all the suicide in the world right now and especially at Rutgers where the diploma on my wall comes from). I cannot believe that someone who swore to take care of me just lets me sit here in pain.
Oh well I guess tomorrow is another day and eventually I will pick up the scattered pieces of my life and start to put them back together. In the last 2 days I have eaten more than I have in weeks. I feel gross. Absolute gross. Now I'm going to finish my book and go to sleep. School tomorrow and Thursday. Such a busy schedule this semester.
Night loves. Leave me some love cus I like it.
Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's because I will soon be living alone, maybe it was delirium thinking it would be okay. But I am not okay. Monetarily - financial security for the moment - for the first time in my life that is not a worry. But everything else... or more like just me... not okay.
I cannot shut off emotions when I have them. I cannot sit there like stone while someone else hurts. And right now what is going on in my house reminds me of my ex. He did the same shit all the time. And that guy was a douchebag. DOUCHEBAG. And the more I sit in this house the more depressed I get. I guess once he has moved out I will feel better. My heart hurts. My heart has hurt since March 15 in ways it was never meant to hurt and now it's just more hurt. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Three more months until 2010 is over. I'm too busy to kill myself hahahaha (that's really not funny given all the suicide in the world right now and especially at Rutgers where the diploma on my wall comes from). I cannot believe that someone who swore to take care of me just lets me sit here in pain.
Oh well I guess tomorrow is another day and eventually I will pick up the scattered pieces of my life and start to put them back together. In the last 2 days I have eaten more than I have in weeks. I feel gross. Absolute gross. Now I'm going to finish my book and go to sleep. School tomorrow and Thursday. Such a busy schedule this semester.
Night loves. Leave me some love cus I like it.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
atlas_:
*kisses*
chef_jeff:
I heart you! Keep your head up. With all the douche bags in this world there are far more good people out there. Trust me. Oxox