rexall

fair warning... you probably won't want to read the emo rant that follows this but stream of consciousness is not always happy.

there has been way too much suicide in the news lately. then again there have been too many similar thoughts creeping back into my head. i would never follow through but sometimes when it feels like the world if crashing in around me i can't help but wonder if things would be better for everyone if i wasn't here. and i hate myself for doing it, but i really don't know a better release than jagged glass through skin. i want to throw things and scream at the top of my lungs, but i don't want the police to show up. i just want someone to hug me and tell me it's okay. i need to run away for a weekend.

for the first time in over 7 years i am without a doubt single. i really don't know what to do. uncle wayne is gone and then the person i thought would eventually work out and be okay has decided he's done too. it's been rough and it's been ugly and i am not a nice person - but you figure it will work itself out and you would find the road back to each other. guess not. i really am an asshole and better off alone for awhile.

2010 is the year of the tiger - which means a year of change. let me tell you... i am fucking tired of it. TIRED. fuck you 2010.

i would say let's cuddle but i'm not worth cuddling right now. i need to run away and disappear. i really really do. i'm sorry this is depressing.