One of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me: "You fucking slay me". How beautiful is that?
And yet I cry. And yet I mourn the loss of someone, though still living, who I deserved to lose at the time but whose presence I deserve now:
Dear Boy;
Fuck you for not getting out of my head. Fuck you for still being able to make me cry, 3 and a half fucking years after the fact, without ever speaking a word. Fuck you for not caring and fuck you for making something in me revert to the emotions of a psychotic 15-year-old. Fuck you for judging my whole character on the very fucked up ways a young person may behave and fuck you for assuming I couldn't be different now. Fuck you and your pervasive presence in my heart. Fuck you for your continuous ability to make me cry from hundreds of miles away with no communication. Fuck you for refusing me the second chance I deserve and fuck you for writing me off when I was at my worst because you couldn't see past my shitty decisions to see the potential I had. A huge "fuck you" for the fact that, somehow, I still think about you fondly every fucking day and wonder about you. And to myself, the biggest FUCK YOU possible, because I would still love your ass if you blinked twice in my direction. Fuck my stupid self for not being smart or strong enough to get over you and your emotional abuse. Get out of my fucking head so I can live as happily as I'm sure you are, having forgotten all about me. FUCK.
Love, Me.
Why do I bother? It's not like he'll ever fucking know.
And yet I cry. And yet I mourn the loss of someone, though still living, who I deserved to lose at the time but whose presence I deserve now:
Dear Boy;
Fuck you for not getting out of my head. Fuck you for still being able to make me cry, 3 and a half fucking years after the fact, without ever speaking a word. Fuck you for not caring and fuck you for making something in me revert to the emotions of a psychotic 15-year-old. Fuck you for judging my whole character on the very fucked up ways a young person may behave and fuck you for assuming I couldn't be different now. Fuck you and your pervasive presence in my heart. Fuck you for your continuous ability to make me cry from hundreds of miles away with no communication. Fuck you for refusing me the second chance I deserve and fuck you for writing me off when I was at my worst because you couldn't see past my shitty decisions to see the potential I had. A huge "fuck you" for the fact that, somehow, I still think about you fondly every fucking day and wonder about you. And to myself, the biggest FUCK YOU possible, because I would still love your ass if you blinked twice in my direction. Fuck my stupid self for not being smart or strong enough to get over you and your emotional abuse. Get out of my fucking head so I can live as happily as I'm sure you are, having forgotten all about me. FUCK.
Love, Me.
Why do I bother? It's not like he'll ever fucking know.
rin:
you probably needed that, that's why you bother. i have someone i can't get over too; i know he is a terrible person but i still am so attracted to him and superficially remember only our good times, but really i know it;s a bad idea.