My last set comes out in less than a week! I'm kind of excited. Then again it's not going to matter. I wont be doing SG sets anymore. Hopefully I'll still be "modeling" for fun. I don't see my self getting anywhere anytime soon with this whole trying to look and feel pretty thing. I fail. lol.
I know I'm a bit harsh on myself, but I plan on doing something about it. I want to feel pretty without having to put up naked pictures of me. I want to feel pretty without puting color in my hair or more holes and ink on my skin. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing it and I can't complain, but I'm just saying I don't want to HAVE to get work done to feel pretty.
There's always a part of me that will want to change what I look like all the time. Being with the same partner for so long makes me fear that he will grow old of me.
Anyway, I'm changing my life around. I ahve new plans. New goals. New aspirations. My fiance' and I have postponed out wedding date for another year. Yes, I already got my dress, and yes it was just 6 months prior to the original date when we agreed upon this, but... it's for the best. He wants to build a steady career. He feels like he's wasted his 24 years by not going to school (sometimes I feel like it's my fault). But he brought it up out of nowhere. It's obvious these thoughts have been sitting on his mind for quite some time. I just wish he had mentioned something sooner.
He wants to go to school. For business. And get his A+ certification. And take care of his background by getting a lawyer to help him get his case expunged. Yes, all of this will take some time. And I fear that it wont get done. It's already been over a month since he's decided to do so, and he still only works 15 hours a week. I have a feeling I will be doing all of the work if I stick around. And I'm just so..... tired. Exhausted. Spent. I just dont want to keep chasing this dream if it's not going to happen. How do you make such a huge decision that will also change someone elses life, but still not act upon it. I just hope he pulls his weight... I can't do it all for him.
So what about me, you ask? I want to go to school too. I'm thinking cosmetology. I've quit my second job so I can stay sane. I want to make some more time for myself to create things. To draw more. To dress other people up and take pictures of them.
Sorry for the long blog. I just feel like it's been quite some time since I've been able to express myself.
don't worry, I'm happy. lol
oh goodness, I realized I didn't put any pictures in here whatsoever. lol. I did a little shoot with a friend a month ago. It was just for fun, but here's a few.
]
Also, i haven't gotten my tattoo finished, but here's a picture of it healed.
And my dad sent my a coyote rug! One he shot and skinned himself. If you are severely vegan and can't stand the site of dead animals I do not recommend clicking this link. Please don't hate me either. I never see my dad and he's promised me a rug for years.
I know I'm a bit harsh on myself, but I plan on doing something about it. I want to feel pretty without having to put up naked pictures of me. I want to feel pretty without puting color in my hair or more holes and ink on my skin. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing it and I can't complain, but I'm just saying I don't want to HAVE to get work done to feel pretty.
There's always a part of me that will want to change what I look like all the time. Being with the same partner for so long makes me fear that he will grow old of me.
Anyway, I'm changing my life around. I ahve new plans. New goals. New aspirations. My fiance' and I have postponed out wedding date for another year. Yes, I already got my dress, and yes it was just 6 months prior to the original date when we agreed upon this, but... it's for the best. He wants to build a steady career. He feels like he's wasted his 24 years by not going to school (sometimes I feel like it's my fault). But he brought it up out of nowhere. It's obvious these thoughts have been sitting on his mind for quite some time. I just wish he had mentioned something sooner.
He wants to go to school. For business. And get his A+ certification. And take care of his background by getting a lawyer to help him get his case expunged. Yes, all of this will take some time. And I fear that it wont get done. It's already been over a month since he's decided to do so, and he still only works 15 hours a week. I have a feeling I will be doing all of the work if I stick around. And I'm just so..... tired. Exhausted. Spent. I just dont want to keep chasing this dream if it's not going to happen. How do you make such a huge decision that will also change someone elses life, but still not act upon it. I just hope he pulls his weight... I can't do it all for him.
So what about me, you ask? I want to go to school too. I'm thinking cosmetology. I've quit my second job so I can stay sane. I want to make some more time for myself to create things. To draw more. To dress other people up and take pictures of them.
Sorry for the long blog. I just feel like it's been quite some time since I've been able to express myself.
don't worry, I'm happy. loloh goodness, I realized I didn't put any pictures in here whatsoever. lol. I did a little shoot with a friend a month ago. It was just for fun, but here's a few.
]
Also, i haven't gotten my tattoo finished, but here's a picture of it healed.
And my dad sent my a coyote rug! One he shot and skinned himself. If you are severely vegan and can't stand the site of dead animals I do not recommend clicking this link. Please don't hate me either. I never see my dad and he's promised me a rug for years.
And this one is me playing with my new phones camera. I loves it.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
dashka:
I hope all the goals u both have for the future are accomplished, and I wish u all the best
shmoogy:
Hope everything works out for the best And you are a beautiful girl!!!!
And you are a beautiful girl!!!!