Hum.........ever had one of those weeks lol.
I marvel at the vagueness of that phrase, lets marvel together for a second....or two.....ok enough marveling on to business or whatever.
Ive come to realize that i often bitch and moan on this blog, eh....that sucks....oh well
So on to what sort of "one of those weeks it is"
A) I realize that I am in a job that I neither hate, nor love. I can paid well and do nothing. I know, what am I complaining about, that sounds bloody ideal doesnt it. Well in theory it is, except for the unfortunate side effect that your paranoid all the time since your boss asking you what you are doing and you having to reply absolutely nothing is always on the back of your mind.
B) I detest the people in this country. Fuck the shallowness is overwhelming and widespread. I honestly tried, i went out, i tried to socialize. No dice
C) I feel like I am existing, not struggling, or living. Lets elaborate, struggling is feeling like your fighting an uphill battle, living is feeling content with your life, existing is the grey area in the middle. Not enough of a challenge to be considered it struggling, and not enough of a fulfillment as to be living. Your basically just getting enough to live on and do nothing else but at the same time its no big effort to get it. Its zero sum balance without an effort. Its going to work, doing nothing, and then going home, rinse, repeat over and over. You get older, but shit stays the same.
D) The only fucking thing i was looking forward to, the ONLY FUCKING THING has now been canceled. Someone fucking reminded me that while it is unlikely i will get fired, i am still starting my masters next year and should save up for it just in case. Translation: That nice little trip to Vegas...is not gonna fucking happen. So of course, me being me, i will be responsible and save, but you know what. FUCK THAT, I am going to New York instead. Not gonna be as expensive, and instead im going to fucking go mad shopping, even then id still only spend half the money id spend in Vegas, so if anyone wants to meet me there, well come on up with me.
E) My dream, well one of my two dreams. The first being me publishing a novel and making fuck you kinda money, but lets be realistic, thats rather unlikely. So when I say my dream i mean the realistic one, i want a doctorate and i want to someday retire and be a college professor......Yea, i know, sounds pathetic, but lets dissect that for a minute. It means that when im done with all the work, i am going to spend the rest of my days surrounded by college students, college parties, and lax work hours....sounds like a plan to me. Besides the fact i am going to use and fuckin abuse the fact that i will be a doctor. To this day, I only have had ONE motherfucking person back up my dream of getting a doctorate. So when i pull it off somehow, i am going to rub it in everyone else in my life's face (I know its petty, but shit, they say I cant do it. The say im wasting my time. And i SOOOOOOOO fucking know that when i pull it off, they will try and glorify themselves with it and take some sort of credit or prestige from the fact that I did it.....fuck that. Even if its to call me an ungrateful asshole I will simply reply."That is DOCTOR ungrateful asshole to you, I didnt fucking get my OWN ass through four years of college, BY MYSELF, IGNORING ALL YOUR BITCHING for you to neglect that part of my name) breathing.......ok, rant over. As I was saying, my dream has been, once again, put down by my family. My brother doesnt care, he is off in his own little world and my family both immediate and extended are of no concern to him. My father.....well the jury is out on him, there could come a day he could help pay for my doctorate, or they could come a day when he simply will take credit for it like he did my bachelors. (sore subject, suffice to say i was on academic scholarship and the stress didnt just appear by its fucking self now did it. I kept the grades and I payed for my tuition with my own fucking effort. His statement was something like "I paid for your college". I rectified "No dad, I paid for my college, you paid the books and the living expenses, the fifty grand it would of cost you to pay my tuition, that was all me". My mother....well she is the one that keeps trying to make me think of Guatemala as home and marry a nice girl (translation, Stay here where i can keep you in my grasp, and marry someone like me that will help make sure you act proper and normal) My reply (to myself, why get into a fight if there is no reason for it ;P): I want to marry a Suicidegirl (Translation: No i dont mean an actual suicidegirl....though i wouldnt mind that
. I mean a girl that is REAL, that is herself, and that can fucking kick ass. The type of girl i will wake up every morning feeling like im the luckiest bastard on the planet for being with her. That I will spend the day waiting to be with her again. And when i see her again, we tear the motherfucking roof off my fucking place, wake the bloody neighbors, and make the dogs cringe. I want a partner, an equal, a fucking inferno on two legs. I want a girl that will walk out of the room topless with a cigarette firmly planted between her lips half asleep, fully naked into my living room where ill be playing with the boys and say "what the fuck are you staring at?" To which I will reply "The reason Im not gonna sleep tonight" at which point she will look down, realize she is naked, look back up, smile, walk to the fridge, drink some milk out of the carton, pull out two gatoraids, and the chocolate syrup and walk back to the room swaying her ass gracefully at which point i will kick all the motherfucker out of my house. Throw them a few sixpacks to excuse the inconvenience, and go have wild fucking sex with my fucking girl for the rest of the night. Now im willing to negotiate the walking out naked part. she can do that in pijamas for all i care, the rest though, stays lol. My point is that i want someone that likes me for me, and that is likeminded.
F) Well F is somewhere up there and it involves the sever lack of viable females here.
G) I have nearly died a couple of times, it sucks. That shit stays with you. No i dont live in constant paranoia, but at the end of the day, i question the impact, completeness, and joy of my life up till now as well as my views on where i might be going when i die. You try it, if you have a smile after it, then congrats, if not, then you know why its on the list.
Ok im done venting:
Im thinking im going to try and get a radio show again. I used to have one in college, I gave out advice. For the record, if you dont know, im good at it. I am not being presumptuous, i actually have a skill at it. Your guess as to why is as good as mine. As for you logical counter that if I am so good at it why is my life not perfect, well my reply is this. No one can self diagnose and rectify their own problems. One can give advice to anyone, be the wisest person on the planet, but at the end of the day, he cant give advice to the mirror. In any case, if ive ever given you serious advice you can atest to if im good or not, if not well just take my word for it. I want to do it to have something productive to do on the weekends. Going out here, well its just not doing it for me.
If any of you want to come to Guatemala, please let me know. I will be glad to have some company. The country is gorgeous, inexpensive, and very diverse and cultural. Like i said, the problem are the people.
Well if you read my rant, thanks for reading, if you didnt, well alas you didnt Im out, talk to you laters peoples lol
I marvel at the vagueness of that phrase, lets marvel together for a second....or two.....ok enough marveling on to business or whatever.
Ive come to realize that i often bitch and moan on this blog, eh....that sucks....oh well
So on to what sort of "one of those weeks it is"
A) I realize that I am in a job that I neither hate, nor love. I can paid well and do nothing. I know, what am I complaining about, that sounds bloody ideal doesnt it. Well in theory it is, except for the unfortunate side effect that your paranoid all the time since your boss asking you what you are doing and you having to reply absolutely nothing is always on the back of your mind.
B) I detest the people in this country. Fuck the shallowness is overwhelming and widespread. I honestly tried, i went out, i tried to socialize. No dice
C) I feel like I am existing, not struggling, or living. Lets elaborate, struggling is feeling like your fighting an uphill battle, living is feeling content with your life, existing is the grey area in the middle. Not enough of a challenge to be considered it struggling, and not enough of a fulfillment as to be living. Your basically just getting enough to live on and do nothing else but at the same time its no big effort to get it. Its zero sum balance without an effort. Its going to work, doing nothing, and then going home, rinse, repeat over and over. You get older, but shit stays the same.
D) The only fucking thing i was looking forward to, the ONLY FUCKING THING has now been canceled. Someone fucking reminded me that while it is unlikely i will get fired, i am still starting my masters next year and should save up for it just in case. Translation: That nice little trip to Vegas...is not gonna fucking happen. So of course, me being me, i will be responsible and save, but you know what. FUCK THAT, I am going to New York instead. Not gonna be as expensive, and instead im going to fucking go mad shopping, even then id still only spend half the money id spend in Vegas, so if anyone wants to meet me there, well come on up with me.
E) My dream, well one of my two dreams. The first being me publishing a novel and making fuck you kinda money, but lets be realistic, thats rather unlikely. So when I say my dream i mean the realistic one, i want a doctorate and i want to someday retire and be a college professor......Yea, i know, sounds pathetic, but lets dissect that for a minute. It means that when im done with all the work, i am going to spend the rest of my days surrounded by college students, college parties, and lax work hours....sounds like a plan to me. Besides the fact i am going to use and fuckin abuse the fact that i will be a doctor. To this day, I only have had ONE motherfucking person back up my dream of getting a doctorate. So when i pull it off somehow, i am going to rub it in everyone else in my life's face (I know its petty, but shit, they say I cant do it. The say im wasting my time. And i SOOOOOOOO fucking know that when i pull it off, they will try and glorify themselves with it and take some sort of credit or prestige from the fact that I did it.....fuck that. Even if its to call me an ungrateful asshole I will simply reply."That is DOCTOR ungrateful asshole to you, I didnt fucking get my OWN ass through four years of college, BY MYSELF, IGNORING ALL YOUR BITCHING for you to neglect that part of my name) breathing.......ok, rant over. As I was saying, my dream has been, once again, put down by my family. My brother doesnt care, he is off in his own little world and my family both immediate and extended are of no concern to him. My father.....well the jury is out on him, there could come a day he could help pay for my doctorate, or they could come a day when he simply will take credit for it like he did my bachelors. (sore subject, suffice to say i was on academic scholarship and the stress didnt just appear by its fucking self now did it. I kept the grades and I payed for my tuition with my own fucking effort. His statement was something like "I paid for your college". I rectified "No dad, I paid for my college, you paid the books and the living expenses, the fifty grand it would of cost you to pay my tuition, that was all me". My mother....well she is the one that keeps trying to make me think of Guatemala as home and marry a nice girl (translation, Stay here where i can keep you in my grasp, and marry someone like me that will help make sure you act proper and normal) My reply (to myself, why get into a fight if there is no reason for it ;P): I want to marry a Suicidegirl (Translation: No i dont mean an actual suicidegirl....though i wouldnt mind that
. I mean a girl that is REAL, that is herself, and that can fucking kick ass. The type of girl i will wake up every morning feeling like im the luckiest bastard on the planet for being with her. That I will spend the day waiting to be with her again. And when i see her again, we tear the motherfucking roof off my fucking place, wake the bloody neighbors, and make the dogs cringe. I want a partner, an equal, a fucking inferno on two legs. I want a girl that will walk out of the room topless with a cigarette firmly planted between her lips half asleep, fully naked into my living room where ill be playing with the boys and say "what the fuck are you staring at?" To which I will reply "The reason Im not gonna sleep tonight" at which point she will look down, realize she is naked, look back up, smile, walk to the fridge, drink some milk out of the carton, pull out two gatoraids, and the chocolate syrup and walk back to the room swaying her ass gracefully at which point i will kick all the motherfucker out of my house. Throw them a few sixpacks to excuse the inconvenience, and go have wild fucking sex with my fucking girl for the rest of the night. Now im willing to negotiate the walking out naked part. she can do that in pijamas for all i care, the rest though, stays lol. My point is that i want someone that likes me for me, and that is likeminded.
F) Well F is somewhere up there and it involves the sever lack of viable females here.
G) I have nearly died a couple of times, it sucks. That shit stays with you. No i dont live in constant paranoia, but at the end of the day, i question the impact, completeness, and joy of my life up till now as well as my views on where i might be going when i die. You try it, if you have a smile after it, then congrats, if not, then you know why its on the list.
Ok im done venting:
Im thinking im going to try and get a radio show again. I used to have one in college, I gave out advice. For the record, if you dont know, im good at it. I am not being presumptuous, i actually have a skill at it. Your guess as to why is as good as mine. As for you logical counter that if I am so good at it why is my life not perfect, well my reply is this. No one can self diagnose and rectify their own problems. One can give advice to anyone, be the wisest person on the planet, but at the end of the day, he cant give advice to the mirror. In any case, if ive ever given you serious advice you can atest to if im good or not, if not well just take my word for it. I want to do it to have something productive to do on the weekends. Going out here, well its just not doing it for me.
If any of you want to come to Guatemala, please let me know. I will be glad to have some company. The country is gorgeous, inexpensive, and very diverse and cultural. Like i said, the problem are the people.
Well if you read my rant, thanks for reading, if you didnt, well alas you didnt
Im out, talk to you laters peoples lolVIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
erinya:
i can cook everything....and i like everything...but i prefer mediterranean cuisine..
erinya:
i love japanese...but the problem is that after 1 hour i am hungry...you have to come to greece..mediterranean food is a combination from everything..