Just woke up at a friend's house, and don't really remember the point where I lost consciousness. Just didn't feel like going back to the empty actor's house I "oversee" after the midnight walk last night.
After all the build-up to the holiday, my work schedule, budget concerns, my last hyperactive burst Christmas Eve/Morning staying up half the night and pre-burning my radio shift till 5 am so I could "Take it easy" on the job, then rushing to the folk's house, then off to a dinner with family friends over 4 hours away, all this rushing, all that adrenaline and now.
Nothing.
It's over, the gifts unwrapped, returned from the trip, unpacked my stuff, checked on the cat, no more classes for the semester, couple of days off of work and after having to revamp to deal with people on a more personal basis for the past month, we can all go back to the normal state of "Fuck off" that we are accustomed to.
"How are you today?"
Well, actually feeling a tad disallusioned, kind of empty and....
"No, no, you misunderstood, I was being trite and civil, How are you today?"
Oh, sorry
*Assumes plastic smile*
Fine, how are you.
(Terribly sorry, don't know what I was thinking trying to break that courtesy veener)
So, to put off the day I am surfing the internet on the friend's 'puter and putting thought to all these nameless faces I see here. The nice part of fantasy, you can ascribe any number of personas to these 2 dimensional images, the bad news is, they are just that, fantasy. Posted a few comments here and there, then suddenly realized I was starting to go off on tangents, now I'm getting some "Fight Club" commentary running in the old cranium, "You are not a unique snowflake" etc. (Damn, still think Marla was neurotic gooey goodness, random aside in diatribe)
Well, I passed finals for this semester and am one step closer to "reality" such as it is, even if it is in a fantasy type profession, yay media. Maybe the next step to getting out of this rut is stepping back a day or two into Actual Reality, or maybe finally laying off the excuses and getting to those projects I've been putting off with good intentions; the fencing lessons and the Pagan discussion groups (They have Wicca classes at the Unitarian church in Raliegh, sounds mildly interesting), rebuilding my room and starting to pre-record my show for the college station in town.
I know I get more rundown when I stop doing things, but unless I'm doing something I have the hardest time self motivating. Damn viscious circles.
This is going to require one of those life altering epiphanies, possibly involving drugs, alcohol or really bad late night cheesy B grade movies. I need motivation, a muse and a really big cup o' java right now. Boldly I stumble forth in retreat from the already old new day.
Slainte
After all the build-up to the holiday, my work schedule, budget concerns, my last hyperactive burst Christmas Eve/Morning staying up half the night and pre-burning my radio shift till 5 am so I could "Take it easy" on the job, then rushing to the folk's house, then off to a dinner with family friends over 4 hours away, all this rushing, all that adrenaline and now.
Nothing.
It's over, the gifts unwrapped, returned from the trip, unpacked my stuff, checked on the cat, no more classes for the semester, couple of days off of work and after having to revamp to deal with people on a more personal basis for the past month, we can all go back to the normal state of "Fuck off" that we are accustomed to.
"How are you today?"
Well, actually feeling a tad disallusioned, kind of empty and....
"No, no, you misunderstood, I was being trite and civil, How are you today?"
Oh, sorry
*Assumes plastic smile*
Fine, how are you.
(Terribly sorry, don't know what I was thinking trying to break that courtesy veener)
So, to put off the day I am surfing the internet on the friend's 'puter and putting thought to all these nameless faces I see here. The nice part of fantasy, you can ascribe any number of personas to these 2 dimensional images, the bad news is, they are just that, fantasy. Posted a few comments here and there, then suddenly realized I was starting to go off on tangents, now I'm getting some "Fight Club" commentary running in the old cranium, "You are not a unique snowflake" etc. (Damn, still think Marla was neurotic gooey goodness, random aside in diatribe)
Well, I passed finals for this semester and am one step closer to "reality" such as it is, even if it is in a fantasy type profession, yay media. Maybe the next step to getting out of this rut is stepping back a day or two into Actual Reality, or maybe finally laying off the excuses and getting to those projects I've been putting off with good intentions; the fencing lessons and the Pagan discussion groups (They have Wicca classes at the Unitarian church in Raliegh, sounds mildly interesting), rebuilding my room and starting to pre-record my show for the college station in town.
I know I get more rundown when I stop doing things, but unless I'm doing something I have the hardest time self motivating. Damn viscious circles.
This is going to require one of those life altering epiphanies, possibly involving drugs, alcohol or really bad late night cheesy B grade movies. I need motivation, a muse and a really big cup o' java right now. Boldly I stumble forth in retreat from the already old new day.
Slainte