reuben

So that time I told you I was writing a big long entry and then decided to give you boobs instead... This is what I had been writing.
I always find myself wishing I spent more time writing and then when it comes to it... I go blank.

Thinking about things the other day, though... I am, at times, my own worst enemy.
The self-saboteur, if you will. And not even through conscious actions as such... My flatmate and I discussed this at length.

"Girls never want to date the 'nice guy'"

Wah. Sigh.
My response to the guys who make that complaint is this:
In my case, at least, it comes down to a completely unconscious amount of self-sabotage. In fear of sounding COMPLETELY morose... just bear with me... but as human beings we are far more used to rejection and upset than we are a feeling of contentment and of actually letting ourselves be happy. I may speak only for myself in saying that happiness is desired yet terrifying (but I suspect otherwise).
It also goes with the idea of opposites. If things are getting you down, they can only, really, get better. Which means you can be all optimistic and shit, right?.... When you're feeling like everything is working out for once, I don't know about you, but the idea of losing it is somewhat crippling. Pessimism central.
I appreciate that I am probably making myself sound like a nutcase. And I (mostly) am no such thing.
But like most people I do have my intricacies.

Girls who date 'bad guys'.... in a way the almost inevitablility of the demise of the situation is a far more familiar and predictable outcome than 'but what if it goes well...'.

I'm sure we've all done it in some form or another....
The infatuation with a largely uninterested other party who treats you badly.
The falling for your best friend
The lusting after the unobtainable. Famous people. They're safe... right? They're not real.
The one who's taken.
The one who's 'too far away' to actually hurt you.

It's all somewhat of a safety net.

These are all things I have found myself doing at some point. Yet, when presented with the idea of "Hey, this guy is quite cool, I think you might get on", my initial reaction is more O_O than "Awesome, let's set something up", recently preferring instead to pander to the attentions of that previously thought unobtainable, self assured, probably not actually very interested type.
But that's fun. Because it is fun until I put too much stock into the situation.
Which I am not going to do, right?
No sir.

I realise that this turned into somewhat more of a "Gee, thanks for the over share, Reubs". The inner workings of my brain really need not be vomited for the internet to inspect but you guys get to deal with the mess now.

You're welcome.

I guess my issues are really with myself, when it comes down to it.


In other news.... I nearly have a solid new range of jewellery that is nearly ready for your eyeballs to inspect and then then OMG BUY LOADS OF. Hell yes.
Buy my stuff.
No photos yet but keep your eyes peeled!! Still need a name to sell under.

If I keep threatening to move to the moon the postage is going to be horrific, however....

Inspired Impulses is also doing REALLY well. Chocolat has done a crackin job on making me pretty and stuff... and I had a good feeling about it that I hope to hold on to so just you guys keep on lovin' it please. <3
I love how supportive so many of you have already been.

I am tired
I want a hug aaannnd I wish I was out for that drink I was meant to be going out for.
With that guy I'm totally not going to be bothered about. Who says all the right things, that are strictly not to be believed.

Boring pictureless blog over.
I promise.