I kinda like the idea of new year; new start and all that, but 2012 is just another number isn't it? It can join all the other numbers that plague my life along with ages, deadlines and waist measurements... and don't even get me started on weighing scales.
2011 was a busy year for me I guess, though it didnt feel like it at the time. It was a year that started in the company of good friends so I tried to keep that up, making sure I made the effort to see the people that mean the most to me. Lifes short, you know? I had never lived for the weekends as much as I did for the first 9 months of last year.
A lot of stuff happened though. 2011 saw (most of) my first ever trip to America, the diagnosis of an anxiety disorder that everyone except me already appeared to know I had, several changes of hairstyle/colour, the start of a tattoo I have been talking about for years, my foot tentatively wedged in the door of a career I studied for 3 years for and, as a result, a move back to London after over a year of slogging my ass off at Silverstone doing nothing relevant with my life.
I made friends, lost friends, missed friends, moved in with friends, got back in contact with old friends.
I rediscovered all the reasons I worked my ass off for 3 years on a Costume degree.
So, I suppose things changed a lot.
There was also a lot of this:
But then, when isnt there in my life? Miss Reuben fidgetpants.
As for that anxiety disorder, most of the time it doesnt bother me... but when it hits me, it hits me pretty hard. Last week for example, waking up at 4am to find that all I really wanted to do was hide under my blankets all day and cry was kind of rough.
Instead, I hid behind my makeup and tried not to smudge it.
Brave faces, girls. Brave faces.
It was brought on by a conversation from the night before that had left me quite upset, apparently sleeping on these things isnt actually as constructive as they would let you believe. I had some good people talk me down from my escalating hysteria though, which was massively appreciated. After that, well, it was like I had to hit that point before what was bothering me was able to be done with. Its not there at the forefront of my mind anymore at least...
If I was to make any sort of resolution it might be to start letting myself make mistakes again. I have become so overly cautious, so afraid to DO anything or let anyone into my life and it has become somewhat socially crippling. I save myself from whatever I imagine these situations could lead to... by... being awkward? Stopping them before they even start?
Forming connections with people I initially see as being too far away to get under my skin and therefore unable to hurt me?
The latter, well, that saves me from nothing of course.
That simply gets me into more trouble.
But... in order for me to let myself make mistakes, other people need to start letting me make them too.
Other than that, I need to drink more water and smile more.
2012 is off to a good start. I have costumes and networking to concentrate on.
And not to dwell too much on that grass is greener idea...
Hi, London
Oh and...
Small things like this make my brain happy:
Organising my life in colour spectrum order? Yes please!
They love it at work when I get my hands on the thread drawers.
2011 was a busy year for me I guess, though it didnt feel like it at the time. It was a year that started in the company of good friends so I tried to keep that up, making sure I made the effort to see the people that mean the most to me. Lifes short, you know? I had never lived for the weekends as much as I did for the first 9 months of last year.
A lot of stuff happened though. 2011 saw (most of) my first ever trip to America, the diagnosis of an anxiety disorder that everyone except me already appeared to know I had, several changes of hairstyle/colour, the start of a tattoo I have been talking about for years, my foot tentatively wedged in the door of a career I studied for 3 years for and, as a result, a move back to London after over a year of slogging my ass off at Silverstone doing nothing relevant with my life.
I made friends, lost friends, missed friends, moved in with friends, got back in contact with old friends.
I rediscovered all the reasons I worked my ass off for 3 years on a Costume degree.
So, I suppose things changed a lot.
There was also a lot of this:
But then, when isnt there in my life? Miss Reuben fidgetpants.
As for that anxiety disorder, most of the time it doesnt bother me... but when it hits me, it hits me pretty hard. Last week for example, waking up at 4am to find that all I really wanted to do was hide under my blankets all day and cry was kind of rough.
Instead, I hid behind my makeup and tried not to smudge it.
Brave faces, girls. Brave faces.
It was brought on by a conversation from the night before that had left me quite upset, apparently sleeping on these things isnt actually as constructive as they would let you believe. I had some good people talk me down from my escalating hysteria though, which was massively appreciated. After that, well, it was like I had to hit that point before what was bothering me was able to be done with. Its not there at the forefront of my mind anymore at least...
If I was to make any sort of resolution it might be to start letting myself make mistakes again. I have become so overly cautious, so afraid to DO anything or let anyone into my life and it has become somewhat socially crippling. I save myself from whatever I imagine these situations could lead to... by... being awkward? Stopping them before they even start?
Forming connections with people I initially see as being too far away to get under my skin and therefore unable to hurt me?
The latter, well, that saves me from nothing of course.
That simply gets me into more trouble.
But... in order for me to let myself make mistakes, other people need to start letting me make them too.
Other than that, I need to drink more water and smile more.
2012 is off to a good start. I have costumes and networking to concentrate on.
And not to dwell too much on that grass is greener idea...
Hi, London
Oh and...
Small things like this make my brain happy:
Organising my life in colour spectrum order? Yes please!
They love it at work when I get my hands on the thread drawers.
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Roy G. Biv is rolling in his grave. Or at least riding the rainbow of mild annoyance.