I think I'm broken.
For once, pluck up the courage to talk to cute guy. (Albeit after a few beers/tequilas).
Chat to cute guy for a considerable portion of the night.
Get text from cute guy inviting me to the pub tonight.
My first thought: How do I get out of this.
I was at work later that usual, then had to go to the store to buy lunch supplies.. and then, I might accidentally fall asleep on the sofa, and dinner, that will already have been planned.... that might do it.
But this blog, it has less to do with whether or not I like this guy, whether or not I should/will meet up with him again.. and more to do with.... maybe actually wanting to meet up with him but not quite being able to bring myself to put myself back in that position.
I'm so guarded, all over again.
I crave affection and attention and people... but let anyone actually get close enough to me to provide these things? Not a chance.
Some people have a lot to answer for.
The fact that Kaikai want me to prove he isn't gay... Irrelevant
The fact he goes back to the States in December. Well it's up to you whether that is more or less of a reason to go see him at all.
I want to go.
And I can't work out what is stopping me.
As I walked home from the tube station, I had this all worked out in my head... the blog that is. Worded with some kind of Palahniuk-esque sharp wit and eloquence.
But apparently that got lost in translation.
Apparently my mess of a brain doesn't translate well into words.
I'm aware I'm making a huge thing out of nothing and I need to suck it up and stop being an idiot too, it's okay.
For once, pluck up the courage to talk to cute guy. (Albeit after a few beers/tequilas).
Chat to cute guy for a considerable portion of the night.
Get text from cute guy inviting me to the pub tonight.
My first thought: How do I get out of this.
I was at work later that usual, then had to go to the store to buy lunch supplies.. and then, I might accidentally fall asleep on the sofa, and dinner, that will already have been planned.... that might do it.
But this blog, it has less to do with whether or not I like this guy, whether or not I should/will meet up with him again.. and more to do with.... maybe actually wanting to meet up with him but not quite being able to bring myself to put myself back in that position.
I'm so guarded, all over again.
I crave affection and attention and people... but let anyone actually get close enough to me to provide these things? Not a chance.
Some people have a lot to answer for.
The fact that Kaikai want me to prove he isn't gay... Irrelevant
The fact he goes back to the States in December. Well it's up to you whether that is more or less of a reason to go see him at all.
I want to go.
And I can't work out what is stopping me.
As I walked home from the tube station, I had this all worked out in my head... the blog that is. Worded with some kind of Palahniuk-esque sharp wit and eloquence.
But apparently that got lost in translation.
Apparently my mess of a brain doesn't translate well into words.
I'm aware I'm making a huge thing out of nothing and I need to suck it up and stop being an idiot too, it's okay.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
My advice. Stop thinking about all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T go and just do it, because the more you put yourself in less-than-comfortable situations like this, the more comfortable they eventually become. Worrying about every possible outcome is only setting yourself up for failure, and in the end you'll still end up beating yourself up over the fact that you couldn't talk yourself into going. Trust me, just do it.