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retsin

Canada

Member Since 2003

Followers 2 Following 5

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Tuesday Mar 09, 2004

Mar 8, 2004
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i'm starting to get that feeling that maybe things aren't ready to end here. that situations may suck but i can come out alive at the end of it all. or maybe not the end, but i can suceed to the rest stop without being consumed by expectation.

if i had thought about it, i never would have pursued an honours degree in biology. i could have graduated last year with a three year bachelor degree and be standng at the smae place, only i could have worked on me in the mean time. but now its too late to think about that. i'm this semester and two more courses away form my useless piece of paper. or the piece of paper that taught me not to listen to what i'm told and figure it out on my own. the one that has tortured me and taught me a few lessons.

i appreciate my science knowledge I like how i can think more critically simply because i disagree with the education i've been immersed in. i lik ethat i can question the science, because i've been told to simply accept it. its unfortunate, but i'm back where i was when i was 18 and looking to graduate high school and start everything for the first time. i'm going back to first year kids and sudden;y everything is about oppurtunity again. when your back at the beghinning no one asks you what you plan to do when you graduate, because they don't expect you to know. i'm 19 again, and the world seems better here.

this may all be short lived. midterms do that to you. but failing really isn't the end of the line anymore, so suck it up and move on. so maybe this entire semester has been one huge joke. me sleeping in bed, crying my eyes out, and moving from neccessity and not desire. maybe i consume to survive, and ingest to make it thru the day. but its temporary, its all just in passing, because i refuse to allow anything to last forever or define me. not you ro your words, never you and your pieces of paper, and surely no one besides myself. fuck you and your definitions. quit trying to scribble on my body what you think should be, how to get there, and when i can recognize that i'm in a state of normal. i will never be normla, because it doesn't exist. i will never be who you want me to be, because i refuse to accept your definitions or way of being. and i will never be your brand of happy, because it isn't me. and i will never be ina family shaped like yours, because i've opened up my eyes to possibility instead of restriction. write all you want, the words will never stick. noone defines me, except me.

kiss
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
ninjagrrrl:
hey, scary strangers are the best kind of strangers! biggrin
Mar 10, 2004
mk700c:
I'm glad your destiny brought you over, although I'm feeling like kind of a bastard for tricking your destiny so. You see, I'm not actually from hamilton. Okay, I have nothing to do with Hamilton other than the World Championships were there this year; and I love Canada, and Canadians.

I really wish I was from Hamilton, or anywhere in Canada for that matter. Alas, I was born across the river in D-Troit.

I hope you, and your destiny, can forgive me.

-mk
Mar 10, 2004

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