respekt

went to breakfast. then to visit my grandma. then to careerlink. came home. saw felicia was online. then my mood went to shit

me: you should come to oysterfest with me this weekend
felicia: why dont you just come stay at the apartment
me: would you be there with me the entire time? the idea of sleeping at your place alone freaks me out
felicia: duh. tim will be there though. its the only time we can sleep together
me: ??
felicia: oh yea. i have a new boyfriend
me: :'(

she KNOWS she has me wrapped around her finger. she KNOWS i would sell my soul to be with her. she KNOWS it hurts me just to THINK of her with somebody else. she not only expects me to be okay with hanging out with her and her boyfriend, but to be okay with listening to them fuck away all weekend in the next room. id rather just sit at home and be fucking miserable because after over a year after she ended a storybook romance (literally) im STILL not over her. the worst thing is, her excuse is 'things were moving too fast. i didnt want to give you the chance to hurt me' so she beat me to the punch. which is bullshit. im the only guy she knows who doesnt just want her to be inside her. i just know that if she would give me just a week she would fall for me all over again. then my life can start to look up.

while im dreaming i might as well wish for a maserati and a penthouse in LA. no fucking wonder im always so depressed. i cant have a fucking thing in life. what i want more than anything is to just be happy. but alot of shit needs to change for that and soon. i dont know how much longer i can stand to feel like this. im glad i sold my handgun to my brother. if i didnt i wouldnt have been around long enough to join this site. but there are other ways and all it takes is a second of courage.

save me from myself

--PG